No mention of the Yanks ... but

[JodieTs]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even ?A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to
"Let's get the Bastards."They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the
last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France?s white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have
two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!"
and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

[smc]

Originally Posted by JodieTs

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France?s white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

This reminds me of the treat "Top 10" list on "Late Night with David Letterman" from some time ago. It was "Top 10 Things the French are Doing to Prepare for German Reunification." Two of them were:

- cutting all of the nation's bedsheets into small, white rectangles
- printing up 50 million t-shirts that say "Don't Shoot. I'm a Collaborator."

Originally Posted by JodieTs

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Don't forget the possibility of Dubbel and Tripel shortages.

Originally Posted by JodieTs

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!"
and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

Some of this concern is mitigated by smashing empty Foster's cans against the forehead repeatedly until all thoughts of terrorism has been beaten out of the Oz head.

[Enoch Root]

Why do people make fun of France as regards cowardice?

[randolph]

Terrorist threats!
Hey we just send another 500 billion to the Pentagon, they'll take care of those bastards. Drones and Glocks, the American way.

[smc]

Originally Posted by Enoch Root

Why do people make fun of France as regards cowardice?

You should pose this question to the writers of "The Simpsons," who famously coined the term "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" in 1995.

But seriously, this is a U.S.-centered stereotype that is not widely shared in the rest of the world. France had hegemony in Europe for 150 years. France was a colonial power. Sure, there was a war where Germany invaded and France surrendered pretty quickly, but there were internal collaborators at the highest levels that facilitated that demise.

If you want to know how non-surrendering (sorry to coin that word, but I couldn't think of another one) the French really are, just consider that despite everything the other official language of the United Nations remains French.

[Enoch Root]

I'd heard surrender monkey before. I had no fucking idea The Simpsons were behind it.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by Enoch Root

Why do people make fun of France as regards cowardice?

It's obvious, they eat frogs and snails and drink lots of wine. They also invented "French kissing" and Napoleon liked to eat Josephine's pussey.

[smc]

Originally Posted by randolph

It's obvious, they eat frogs and snails and drink lots of wine. They also invented "French kissing" and Napoleon liked to eat Josephine's pussey.

Why in the world would any of these things be associated with "cowardice"?

I read somewhere that Josephine's pussy was like a Venus flytrap. It seems to me that eating it would take tremendous bravery, especially for a bite-size guy like Napoleon.

[Enoch Root]

What's this Josephine thing?

[smc]

Originally Posted by Enoch Root

What's this Josephine thing?

And to think I once considered you a repository of knowledge regarding French history.

[Enoch Root]

Originally Posted by smc

And to think I once considered you a repository of knowledge regarding French history.

I have disgraced my daimyo. I must make amends.

You will receive my death poem on the morrow.

[smc]

Let's change the subject. Jodie posted so many other nationalities and the stereotypes about them; why concentrate only on the French?

[randolph]

Originally Posted by smc

Why in the world would any of these things be associated with "cowardice"?

I read somewhere that Josephine's pussy was like a Venus flytrap. It seems to me that eating it would take tremendous bravery, especially for a bite-size guy like Napoleon.

Yeah, maybe that why he was always away from home.

[TracyCoxx]

Originally Posted by Enoch Root

Why do people make fun of France as regards cowardice?

To find out, google 'French military victories'. The first entry will pull up 'French military defeats'.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by TracyCoxx

To find out, google 'French military victories'. The first entry will pull up 'French military defeats'.

Well, Napoleon beat the shit out of every European army for years. The French army was unbeatable under his direction. He probably would have won at Waterloo if he was feeling better. The French duked it out in WWI with the Germans. Also the French Foreign legion was known for being a tough outfit. The French underground performed admirably during WWII.
Oh by the way, the Normans beat the English and took over the country.

Originally Posted by smc

Some of this concern is mitigated by smashing empty Foster's cans against the forehead repeatedly until all thoughts of terrorism has been beaten out of the Oz head.

Nobody in Australia actually drinks Fosters - it's just the crud they export to us Poms...

[Enoch Root]

What is Poms?

[smc]

Originally Posted by Natalie_J

Nobody in Australia actually drinks Fosters - it's just the crud they export to us Poms...

Who said anything about drinking?

[smc]

Originally Posted by Enoch Root

What is Poms?

It's short for pommy, a term used in Australia and New Zealand (and maybe South Africa; I can't remember, to refer to someone of general "British" descent (which includes English, Welsh, Scottish, and even Irish, if from the North). It comes from "pomegranate" (if you accept what the OED states); "pummy grant" is old Australian slang for an immigrant.

There are other theories that the OED dismisses.

A few years ago, the term was officially deemed "no longer offensive" in Australia -- as if officials can decide for individuals what is and isn't personally offensive.

[smc]

All the discussion of the French and surrenders above reminded me today of a joke a friend of mine in Munich told me years ago:

Why are there so many tree-lined streets and leafy lanes in France?

Germans like to march in the shade.

[desirouspussy]

Originally Posted by smc

It's short for pommy, a term used in Australia and New Zealand (and maybe South Africa; I can't remember, to refer to someone of general "British" descent (which includes English, Welsh, Scottish, and even Irish, if from the North). It comes from "pomegranate" (if you accept what the OED states); "pummy grant" is old Australian slang for an immigrant.

There are other theories that the OED dismisses.

A few years ago, the term was officially deemed "no longer offensive" in Australia -- as if officials can decide for individuals what is and isn't personally offensive.

I don't know about South Africa but Australians generally only use the term to refer to the English. Not the Scottish or Irish.

Only definition I ever heard over there is this one:
POMMY = POME = Prisoner Of Mother England

[fishstix]

Originally Posted by JodieTs

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even ?A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to
"Let's get the Bastards."They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the
last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France?s white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have
two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!"
and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

I sure as hell hope this isn't from his stand up routine I have a ticket to in May. I want everything to be a surprise.