Feel guilty about watching a ts porstar who passed away years ago and I just found out

[EasyE]

I was on ***************** looking up videos brazilian is my favorite and I found one with a girl named Kelly Tavares she is cute and I masturbated to the video once but something about her was like she seems like a cool person, and me I like the country brazil because I heard of the kindness,friendly,the parties and beaches, and of course the beautiful girls even the trannies the surgeons in brazil are good can't even tell but I planned on going to brazil and when I'm down there I planned on meeting her and other pornstar not to just go there and have sex with her but to get to know her as a person as a human being and as a friend i that some people probably look at her as porn is a fantasy and I don't look at some of them as whores . and what ever and enjoy the parties and the beaches . so on her bio on ashemaletube I was curious about the comments that are on the side of her picture and I looked at them and one of them said RIP I was like what noway so I looked on Google and typed in Kelly Tavares ts dead and websites came up she was on a couple of them, she died from a silicon infection on Nov 2, 2009 6 years ago and I'm just finding out now, im thinking she's alive. I felt nauseous, and I was pissed still a little pissed she was the same age I am now she was 18 going on 19 like I am now. I wish she haven't taken that silicon she was cute and sexy the way she was, I wish somebody had told her that everyday. and not only her another porstar I watched and thought was alive today was another brazilian porstar Keizy Maria who died from AIDS in 2013 she was sexy as well and now I feel guilty that I watched them and I didn't know they passed and now I can't watch them anymore unless it's a photo. I'll remember them not just for the pornos but for the good person I believe they were even if they did wrong, everybody does wrong in life and when I do leave for brazil I'll look for their grave or memorial and people who knew them and I'll pay respects and leave flowers too. RIP to both of them

[a9127]

I understand what you are going through. I went through something similar with Anna Alexandre. She was one of the first transsexuals that I had a “crush” on and it was only after a few years that I learned she had been killed in a car accident. Like you, I had often fantasized about Anna and also like you, felt some guilt after I learned she had passed away. But mostly I felt overwhelming sadness over her death and the loss of a beautiful human being. Eventually I decided that the best way to deal with my feelings was to learn as much as I could about Anna and be glad that this wonderful person had touched my life as she did, I’m sure, for many others. When I think about Anna now I celebrate her life not her death.

You might also want to learn about ways to become more involved in the LGBT community. Specifically, activities that promote public awareness of the particularly malicious forms of discrimination and violence transgender people are subjected to. Next November, if there is a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony near you, take the opportunity to go—in the meantime use the Internet or ask questions of members of this forum to learn more about some of the issues facing the LGBT community and ways you could help. Unfortunately, many of the members who you would learn the most from are no longer active here but you might search some of the threads.

I like your idea about travelling to Brazil. Maybe you would meet some of Kelly’s friends and it would allow you to “connect” and also learn more about her as a person.

Best of luck my friend.

[EasyE]

Thank you for understanding a9127 I will try to help out any way I can, it's nice to know someone who is going through the same thing I am, who understands there is a memoriam forum up here I'm going to put kelly and Keizy up there so people will know and remember them, and yes brazil is the way to go I will find people who knew them so I can connect and learn about them
As a person

[bareambition]

I was always devastated when I heard Camilla DeCastro died. I remember seeing her in one porno and I swear she did everything to the guy I would have wanted at the exact time and always felt I had a bit of a genuine connection with her. Going to Brazil next year hopefully I would have loved to have met her like you say to get to know her as a person RIP Camilla angel x