wannabe a tgirl now

[Naked Freedom]

i belong to a country where the third sex is a taboo, and therefore was not aware of it until very recently.....i.e about 2 years from now. i was just aware of cross dressers but i could not even try that fully.


When i was about 4 or 5 years old i used to urge my sisters to dress me in their pretty frock, which they did with joy as they were also about the same age probably a year older or so. They thought of it as a childish game of mine... and i too thought likewise....


at the age of 11 or so i felt some sort of pain in my nipples... there was a little tissue appearing under my nipples (obviously under the skin) and i told it to my mother.... she took me to a doctor and he gave me some medicines and the pain subsided and the tissue disappeared. on asking my mother said that breasts were about to grow on my body but now its alright.... i took it as a joke.


Tucking my dick and sac was a habit which had been there in me since childhood.....(4 or 5 years). i even had a nude photo where i covered my nipples and tucked my cock and sac.

i have played mostly pretend games and boardgames during my early childhood..... but these shifted to soccer and hockey from when iwas about 15.


in plays staged at my school i have played a female role thrice. my teachers complimented that i played them well... not just by appearance.... they said that the body language was very good.
i used to wear lipstick and kiss on various things and kept it in my collection.

in school many of my friends teased me for my way of walking, it resembled that of a girls. in fact they also said that my body curves were similar to that of girls, broader in the pelvic region thinner at the waist and broad chest. i had avery hard time correcting my posture.my skin has always been smooth and soft muscled but there are a lot of hairs.

but now after seeing people changing their birth sex to be more comfortable with their bodies...i want to change as well. i m about 24 now but afraid to come out in the open.
a secret i was the desire of many students and got fucked by 7 or 8 of them while in school. but it was a boys school.
i was in a relationship with agirl for about 8 months then got bored and quit.
but i continued with the boys

while watching shemale porn on the net,the feeling of being the tgirl rather than being the one with the tgirl overwhelmed me most of the times. i was just envious of their smooth skin and nice breasts along with their soft dicks.
i imagined myself taking a tgirl cock in my ass, and being in a 69 with her. the feeling of fucking her ass was seldom and rare.


recently another thought, which entered the mind was my dick getting smaller. i started to feel that it looks nice smaller....and am getting erections which are not very hard, i m just about 24. nowadays i get myself erect by rubbing on the foreskin and the glans and imagining things, which was not the case before. earlier i used to get erect watching at videos

since i thought that nothing could be done to alter my body i just tried to change my mind and slowly the matter went into oblivion. those thoughts kept on coming but i drove them away. but now as i have realised that i can vhange my body... the thoughts have again surrounded my mind... i dont want to drive them away but embrace it.



am i a patient of gender dysphorria or are these fantasies or age related? please advise. i have taken an online test 15 times to rest my doubts.....none of the times was i categorised as standard male, only once as feminine male, 8 times as androgynous and 5 times as probable transexual and twice as transsexual.... i answered honestly depending upon at that moment what i was feeling. i know they are not the sole parameters to judge but it seemed worth a try.
should i take the road to transsexualism or upto the mid stages or no action???? what is the initial process???


any body here having similar thoughts or experiences.

[transjen]

Been there, i know what you're going thru i had SRS this jan first step is coming to terms with yourself then find a therapist then hormones then the real life test if you choose to have the final step like i did but it's not easy Jennifer

[Naked Freedom]

thanks for the insight. can u share ur experiences as a man which prompted this decision?

[transjen]

Originally Posted by biswajyoti

thanks for the insight. can u share ur experiences as a man which prompted this decision?

Well i knew i should have been a girl since i was 5 or 6 years old, As a kid i never fit in with the other boys so grewing up i had a rought time as i was everyones punching bag when i was 14 or so i found out there were outs like me when i found a book at the libary called second serve by Renne Richards and after reading her book everything became clear to me and i know what i had to do flash forward a few years and i found a therapist who lead me down the path to find my true self after hormone replacement breast implants minor facial surgery and finaly SRS i'm finaly who i'm supposed to be i was always Jennifer on rhe inside and now i'm Jennifer on the outside and i'm very happy with no regretts will other then not being a Ggirl but i've done all i can and am as close as medicaly possiable Jennifer

[Naked Freedom]

consulting a physician might be very costly....i doubt whether physians in my country will understand the problem...i fear the consequences when people will come to know about it
i am very much concerned about what will befall on my family.....especially my parents.

[Bionca]

www.tsroadmap.com is a good place to start to sort out what you will want to do. They try to make the resources as international as they can. Unfortunately, in some places there are simply no good options for TGs.

One thing I would caution against is relying too much on online tests. The questions can be worded in such a way as to get specific results - so even if you are 100% honest answering them, your answer may still be influenced by how the question was worded.

Ultimately, the only person who will be able to sort this out is you. With the aid of a therapist, this can be much easier. Still a good therapist will only aid you in figuring out what's going on.

There is also no single way that Trans* women come to identify as trans*. For example, before I transitioned, I have very little desire to dress in women's clothes. I never had a feeling of "releaf" when I did. Some TGs will say something completely different. The only thing that I think unites Trans* women and spearates us from cross-dressers, Drag Queens, TVs (all of which are perfectly fine things to be) is a sense early on that *something* was all wrong as we were growing up. That "something" has no word to define it, but every trans* woman I know understands what I'm talking about.

[transjen]

Originally Posted by biswajyoti

consulting a physician might be very costly....i doubt whether physians in my country will understand the problem...i fear the consequences when people will come to know about it
i am very much concerned about what will befall on my family.....especially my parents.

Sounds like you want it to be a easy switch, Hate to break it to you but there is no easy way to do it, It's hard both money and what you have to go thru both mental and physcial it costs money for the therapist and hormones and hair removal then there's surgery breast implant facial and so on then you will need a new warobe then there is a good chance you'll lose your job and career then there's your family and friends some will want nothing to do with you after you tell them then there's the name calling and worse from strangers. Sorry there is no magic pill that only happens in stories Jennifer

[Naked Freedom]

Originally Posted by Bionca

www.tsroadmap.com is a good place to start to sort out what you will want to do. They try to make the resources as international as they can. Unfortunately, in some places there are simply no good options for TGs.

One thing I would caution against is relying too much on online tests. The questions can be worded in such a way as to get specific results - so even if you are 100% honest answering them, your answer may still be influenced by how the question was worded.

Ultimately, the only person who will be able to sort this out is you. With the aid of a therapist, this can be much easier. Still a good therapist will only aid you in figuring out what's going on.

There is also no single way that Trans* women come to identify as trans*. For example, before I transitioned, I have very little desire to dress in women's clothes. I never had a feeling of "releaf" when I did. Some TGs will say something completely different. The only thing that I think unites Trans* women and spearates us from cross-dressers, Drag Queens, TVs (all of which are perfectly fine things to be) is a sense early on that *something* was all wrong as we were growing up. That "something" has no word to define it, but every trans* woman I know understands what I'm talking about.

i had never had the feeling that something was wrong with my gender....in my early days.... the feeling of being feminine came and went.......but can it be possible that it was because of lack of awareness that something like that is possible....but i used to be sad that i was not developing tits like the way my sisters had.....i even cried and was scared when i saw hairs coming out of my body.... it felt like some sort of disease.....the feeling of being feminine is now coming more often to me..... i have become different in many ways in the past few years...i dont want to mix with people....there is something utterly wrong.... the feeling to be female was never as gr8 to me as it is now.....the feeling is strengthening day by day. can anybody give me an idea about the total costs and duration for the complete transformation....
i am 24 ..... will it be possible for me to make the transformation. what is the maximum age after which it is not possible??? any help with these questions???

about tsroadmap.com.... i found the cogiati test there only and am still browsing there.... it is very inormative....
hope to find solutions soon and be at peace....

[racquel]

I think we all have some big similarities in our past. People talk in different ways about it. Many people say, "I knew I was a girl." I never felt like that. I knew I was a boy and I was very sad about it. I prayed every night from when I was 3 till I was 12 that I would wake up as a girl, then I kinda abandoned it because I didn't no anything about transsexuality.

People also made fun of the way I walked. And I also got into shemale porn and wanted to be the girls in the videos.

I was never all that much into the clothes. A lot of crossdressers like to sit around at home in women's clothes and it gets them very excited, or some say "relieves stress." I got into my mom's stuff when I was little until my dad caught me and ... put an end to that. But I was really more into her makeup than her clothes. I was in a relationship with a woman for a long time where I felt really trapped, but I didn't know what to do. But I eventually got out of the relationship and started spending a lot of time as a woman.

I think you know you're TS. I've seen a lot of people who were probably TS try to convince themselves they were crossdressers or try to totally suppress it, but it doesn't tend to work the other way around.

But don't trust any online tests with this. Just think about it yourself. There were times I managed to ignore it and times I didn't, but there has never been a time in my life where I wouldn't have to say I would do anything to be 100% female if I was being honest. I even shaved my head and started working out constantly at one point, but that obviously just made me feel a lot worse.

You said you have a lot of hair. Can you get laser hair removal in your country?

Don't worry about how transsexual you are. You don't like your body hair. You want to be feminine. Just start working towards that. People waste their whole lives getting around to doing something to improve their life. Just make a plan and go for it. If you go to the doctor and they burn the hell out of your face with a laser and you still think it's a good idea to schedule another visit you're probably TS.

[Naked Freedom]

Originally Posted by racquel

I think we all have some big similarities in our past. People talk in different ways about it. Many people say, "I knew I was a girl." I never felt like that. I knew I was a boy and I was very sad about it. I prayed every night from when I was 3 till I was 12 that I would wake up as a girl, then I kinda abandoned it because I didn't no anything about transsexuality.

People also made fun of the way I walked. And I also got into shemale porn and wanted to be the girls in the videos.

I was never all that much into the clothes. A lot of crossdressers like to sit around at home in women's clothes and it gets them very excited, or some say "relieves stress." I got into my mom's stuff when I was little until my dad caught me and ... put an end to that. But I was really more into her makeup than her clothes. I was in a relationship with a woman for a long time where I felt really trapped, but I didn't know what to do. But I eventually got out of the relationship and started spending a lot of time as a woman.

I think you know you're TS. I've seen a lot of people who were probably TS try to convince themselves they were crossdressers or try to totally suppress it, but it doesn't tend to work the other way around.

But don't trust any online tests with this. Just think about it yourself. There were times I managed to ignore it and times I didn't, but there has never been a time in my life where I wouldn't have to say I would do anything to be 100% female if I was being honest. I even shaved my head and started working out constantly at one point, but that obviously just made me feel a lot worse.

You said you have a lot of hair. Can you get laser hair removal in your country?

Don't worry about how transsexual you are. You don't like your body hair. You want to be feminine. Just start working towards that. People waste their whole lives getting around to doing something to improve their life. Just make a plan and go for it. If you go to the doctor and they burn the hell out of your face with a laser and you still think it's a good idea to schedule another visit you're probably TS.

i thank u for your suggestion .... i 've to check though whether its available in my country??? i think it will be costlier... wat about waxing again and again until the follicles get damaged...it will be painful i know.......


if people around me comes to know it will be a matter of great concern for my family as i am a part of a conservative society.

[Naked Freedom]

Originally Posted by transjen

Sounds like you want it to be a easy switch, Hate to break it to you but there is no easy way to do it, It's hard both money and what you have to go thru both mental and physcial it costs money for the therapist and hormones and hair removal then there's surgery breast implant facial and so on then you will need a new warobe then there is a good chance you'll lose your job and career then there's your family and friends some will want nothing to do with you after you tell them then there's the name calling and worse from strangers. Sorry there is no magic pill that only happens in stories Jennifer

it seems very scary.....
my parents have great expectations from me..... i cant leave them.... not in their old age......i am dutibound towards them.... its very torturing.... it is taking my peace away.....

[Naked Freedom]

it might help if anyone who has walked the road can share their experiences...so that i can mentally prepare myself....

i also want to know whether anyone have ever tried the gender tests online and if my scores are something which support my claim that i am a female trapped in the wrong body?

my scores in the gogiati has been 245 for the third time in a row.... ( i have taken this test 18 times now.... first 15 times result were discussed in the 1st post)....which classifies me as a probable transsexual.


there were some tests on blogthings.com. the results are:

Do You Use the Internet Like a Man or a Woman?

Your Surfing Habits are 60% Male, 40% Female
If we had to guess, we would guess that you are a man.
You use the internet to make your life more efficient - and to make you smarter.
For you, the internet is like a vast encyclopedia.
You search and surf extensively. You look up everything online.

What's Your Inner Gender?

You Inner Gender is Female
You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you.
You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations.
You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves.
You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

Do You Communicate Like a Man or a Woman?

You Communicate Like a Woman
You empathize, talk things out, and express your emotions freely.
You're a good listener, and you're non-judgmental with your advice.
Communication is how you connect with people.
You're always up for a long talk, no matter how difficult the subject matter is.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?


You Are 62% Feminine, 38% Masculine
You are in touch with your feminine side.
Sensitive, intuitive, and caring are all words that describe you.
And you're just masculine enough to relate to both men and women.


What Gender Is Your Brain?


Your Brain is 67% Female, 33% Male
Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!


can anybody give me an idea about the total costs and duration for the complete transformation....
i am 24 ..... will it be possible for me to make the transformation. what is the maximum age after which it is not possible??? any help with these questions???

[racquel]

You're getting into serious questions here, and I have to encourage you to join some actual TS support forums if you want to talk about this, not a casual forum centered around guys who like tranny porn. Don't ya think?

Originally Posted by biswajyoti

wat about waxing again and again until the follicles get damaged...it will be painful i know.......

Waxing doesn't do anything permanant. It takes longer for the hair to come back since it has to get back to the surface of your skin, and the hair will be thinner at first because it doesn't have a blunt cut at the end from a razor. But it does very little to damage the follicles. Yes, if you wax your face (or if you have coarse hair on your chest or crotch and wax there) you might see a little blood, but this isn't usually enough to kill the follicle. You need to permanently destroy the capillary that supplies the follicle.

I use an epilator on my legs. It's a lot cheaper than waxing over and over. I used to pluck a lot of the hairs on my face with tweezers before I got laser. But waxing your face is pretty harsh. Luckily I never had any hair on my back and almost none on my arms/chest (and have since gotten laser on my face/chest), but if I was hairy I would just use an epilator everywhere. Of course you would need to get someone else to do your back.

Originally Posted by biswajyoti

if people around me comes to know it will be a matter of great concern for my family as i am a part of a conservative society.

Obviously eventually people around you will have to know.

My family is very conservative and very religious. I've had to just cut off contact with them.

Originally Posted by biswajyoti

it might help if anyone who has walked the road can share their experiences...so that i can mentally prepare myself....

i also want to know whether anyone have ever tried the gender tests online and if my scores are something which support my claim that i am a female trapped in the wrong body?

Oh honey... You're obsessing over these online tests. Who do you think wrote these tests? What gives them the authority to judge your femininity? The COGIATI is often ridiculed in the TS community.

Just look at the questions. They're all sooooo obvious. The first question is about math. Obviously you are being judged under the assumption that more mathematically minded people are more masculine. But I'm a software engineer and I'm extremely good at designing algorithms. Does this make me a man? Why?

Look at question 4. What the hell kind of meeting do you go to where someone stands up and says, "It's time for hugs all around!" Obviously you're supposed to say "Good idea" if you're female, but that's so stupid! Sure, I love hugs from people who I think actually care. But the idea of hugging strange women in a meeting is creepy!

Transsexual people generally have trouble fitting in, feeling normal, and thinking like normal people. There's an overlap between the symptoms of mild autism and transsexuality. Some of these are considered masculine traits (like being detached, focusing on details, being good at math, and certain communication problems), but they really have nothing to do with being masculine.

If you want other people's opinions of your gender let me give you some help. Answer this question: Were you born with a penis? Yes? Then most people consider you a man. Stop worrying about what other people think.

Originally Posted by biswajyoti

there were some tests on blogthings.com. the results are:

Do You Use the Internet Like a Man or a Woman?
What's Your Inner Gender?
Do You Communicate Like a Man or a Woman?
Are You Masculine or Feminine?
What Gender Is Your Brain?

As absurd as the COGIATI is, anything you're going to find on blogthings.com is probably worse. What kind of scales are those to rate people on? An online test can't tell you what gender your brain is. A functional MRI scan of your brain can show that someone who was born male but is on HRT has a more female brain. But an online test?

Originally Posted by biswajyoti

can anybody give me an idea about the total costs and duration for the complete transformation....
i am 24 ..... will it be possible for me to make the transformation. what is the maximum age after which it is not possible??? any help with these questions???

Everybody's transformation is different. I know people who have had no surgery and are not on hormones but have lived as female for years. I also know people who have had SRS but couldn't handle transition so they still live as male. So nobody can say for you what the costs and duration of your transformation will be. A friend of mine spent $40,000 for facial surgery a few months ago. That's a major expense. But many people transition without that expense. And many people would consider themselves transitioned without ever getting SRS. What have my costs been? Well, I've spent about $1,500 on laser hair removal. I spend about $100/mo on hormones. I also go to weekly therapy, spend a lot at the mall, and I dropped about $500 at Sephora and $200 at MAC in the past two months.

Your question makes me think you have a bad mindset. Transition is not an overnight thing. Many people focus too much on one part of transition -- especially SRS. You sound like you think this word "transition" means something that will magically take you from a male person with TS feelings to a 100% female person. That's not going to happen. I've talked to a lot of post-op girls, and none of them regret getting the surgery, but many of them are disappointed because they thought getting their penis removed would magically make them feel complete and totally female. That's not going to happen.

Anyway ... so you're 24? You really want a doctor to give you blood tests before you start hormones, but it would be very helpful for you to get on at least some kind of DHT blocker (finasteride a.k.a. Propecia/Proscar, or dutasterade a.k.a. Avodart) and maybe a T blocker. You don't want to start going bald while you're deciding whether or not you want to transition.

There is no maximum age. I know people who didn't start their transition until they were almost 70. At that point obviously they're not going to grow pretty hair and big boobs just because they're on estrogen.

I didn't start actually taking estrogen till I was 32, and my boobs grew pretty fast. I know people who started hormones at 40 and grew a D-cup. I also know people who have been injecting estrogen since they were 20 and they have an A-cup. Everybody's different.

[Naked Freedom]

Originally Posted by racquel

You're getting into serious questions here, and I have to encourage you to join some actual TS support forums if you want to talk about this, not a casual forum centered around guys who like tranny porn. Don't ya think?





Waxing doesn't do anything permanant. It takes longer for the hair to come back since it has to get back to the surface of your skin, and the hair will be thinner at first because it doesn't have a blunt cut at the end from a razor. But it does very little to damage the follicles. Yes, if you wax your face (or if you have coarse hair on your chest or crotch and wax there) you might see a little blood, but this isn't usually enough to kill the follicle. You need to permanently destroy the capillary that supplies the follicle.

I use an epilator on my legs. It's a lot cheaper than waxing over and over. I used to pluck a lot of the hairs on my face with tweezers before I got laser. But waxing your face is pretty harsh. Luckily I never had any hair on my back and almost none on my arms/chest (and have since gotten laser on my face/chest), but if I was hairy I would just use an epilator everywhere. Of course you would need to get someone else to do your back.





Obviously eventually people around you will have to know.

My family is very conservative and very religious. I've had to just cut off contact with them.





Oh honey... You're obsessing over these online tests. Who do you think wrote these tests? What gives them the authority to judge your femininity? The COGIATI is often ridiculed in the TS community.

Just look at the questions. They're all sooooo obvious. The first question is about math. Obviously you are being judged under the assumption that more mathematically minded people are more masculine. But I'm a software engineer and I'm extremely good at designing algorithms. Does this make me a man? Why?

Look at question 4. What the hell kind of meeting do you go to where someone stands up and says, "It's time for hugs all around!" Obviously you're supposed to say "Good idea" if you're female, but that's so stupid! Sure, I love hugs from people who I think actually care. But the idea of hugging strange women in a meeting is creepy!

Transsexual people generally have trouble fitting in, feeling normal, and thinking like normal people. There's an overlap between the symptoms of mild autism and transsexuality. Some of these are considered masculine traits (like being detached, focusing on details, being good at math, and certain communication problems), but they really have nothing to do with being masculine.

If you want other people's opinions of your gender let me give you some help. Answer this question: Were you born with a penis? Yes? Then most people consider you a man. Stop worrying about what other people think.





As absurd as the COGIATI is, anything you're going to find on blogthings.com is probably worse. What kind of scales are those to rate people on? An online test can't tell you what gender your brain is. A functional MRI scan of your brain can show that someone who was born male but is on HRT has a more female brain. But an online test?





Everybody's transformation is different. I know people who have had no surgery and are not on hormones but have lived as female for years. I also know people who have had SRS but couldn't handle transition so they still live as male. So nobody can say for you what the costs and duration of your transformation will be. A friend of mine spent $40,000 for facial surgery a few months ago. That's a major expense. But many people transition without that expense. And many people would consider themselves transitioned without ever getting SRS. What have my costs been? Well, I've spent about $1,500 on laser hair removal. I spend about $100/mo on hormones. I also go to weekly therapy, spend a lot at the mall, and I dropped about $500 at Sephora and $200 at MAC in the past two months.

Your question makes me think you have a bad mindset. Transition is not an overnight thing. Many people focus too much on one part of transition -- especially SRS. You sound like you think this word "transition" means something that will magically take you from a male person with TS feelings to a 100% female person. That's not going to happen. I've talked to a lot of post-op girls, and none of them regret getting the surgery, but many of them are disappointed because they thought getting their penis removed would magically make them feel complete and totally female. That's not going to happen.

Anyway ... so you're 24? You really want a doctor to give you blood tests before you start hormones, but it would be very helpful for you to get on at least some kind of DHT blocker (finasteride a.k.a. Propecia/Proscar, or dutasterade a.k.a. Avodart) and maybe a T blocker. You don't want to start going bald while you're deciding whether or not you want to transition.

There is no maximum age. I know people who didn't start their transition until they were almost 70. At that point obviously they're not going to grow pretty hair and big boobs just because they're on estrogen.

I didn't start actually taking estrogen till I was 32, and my boobs grew pretty fast. I know people who started hormones at 40 and grew a D-cup. I also know people who have been injecting estrogen since they were 20 and they have an A-cup. Everybody's different.

i am very thankful to you for the answer....as it has sorted some of my doubts......especially regarding those online tests....thanks a lot....but i too am good at maths and am studying engineering..... i like programming too. i also like mathematical puzzles. but thats not my point....
what i intended to say was if i answered the questions very honestly as i really think i am.....can the results still be faulty....whoever made the tests might have thought about something while making it..... or should she waste so precious time....

asking about the duration was not due to a bad mindset but because i have to think about saving ample amount of money to last me for that period......
or join some job somewhere for that period of time. it was something i required to form adefinite plan.
losing contact with family and near ones is a very sad experience.... why dont they just let us be as we feel like instead of burdening us with social fears and isolation.... that is one of the most important aspect which binds me to stick to my birth gender.....
my parents have sacrificed a lot for me.

i have been browsing through the side www.tsroadmap.com
do you know some other sites which have valuable information.....
please let me know.

[Naked Freedom]

i dont know whats happening to me? at first when i had anything in my ass my dick would be flaccid and i couldnt have erections till it was there, but now a days i get a better erection with something in my ass.

[Naked Freedom]

i think i have solved the mystery.....
i dont want to be completely transitioned, since i have fluctuating moods and sometimes i want to be male and sometimes i want to be female.....
i also think it would have been easier for me to express both sexes as and when i desire if i was a girl, since while girlyboys are ridiculed in my society boyishgirls are not....it can be said that it is encouraged upto a certain extent...
thus it wud have been easier for me if i wud have been born a girl....i would have been able to comply with my mental state without livin in the fear of being ridiculed at, when discovered...

but i cant even try to get hormones so as start the process of feminization....
since it wud cause trouble, and would put a lot of stress on my near and dear ones..... i think i wud have to bear this burden for the rest of my life.