With Sword Fully Drawn......

[Vanillas]

I recently read a semi-scholarly work on the psychology of sexual arousal. The main thesis was that, in order to achieve sexual excitement, we need to create requisite conditions of safety. Specifically, we need to feel protected from unconscious fears that would otherwise prevent us from becoming aroused. These fears are of course many and varied and are often highly idiosyncratic.

Let me use myself as an example. Through the processes of analysis and self-examination I have learned that my most sexually inhibiting fear is that I could seriously hurt or, God forbid, kill a woman in the act of sex. Never mind that this fear is as primitive and infantile as it is neurotic. It is powerful and has resulted in a discernable if not predictable - and equally powerful - pattern of sexual preferences.

For many years I was highly attracted to older women, or MILFS as they are now affectionately called. I have been married twice, each time to a woman several years older than I. I found in them a source of strength and security as well as sexual excitement. Later, I developed a strong attraction to younger, but decidedly "buff" women. My fantasy ideal became a twenty or thirty-something hardbody. She was feminine but was also possessed of a masculine toughness (I watched a lot of Jodie Foster movies during this period). Finally, I discovered transgendered women, thus taking it to a higher level. My ideal was now a hardbody with a penis (read WEAPON). I should stress that with each of these fantasies the word "preference" could more accurately read "need." For these were not just preferred forms of arousal but were, at the time, my ONLY ones. And thus in each case was my unconscious fear of doing harm allayed by imagining a woman too experienced, or too tough, or too tough and armed, to enable me to hurt her.

A final point and a question: The author stressed the fact that, unlike some "neurotic" behaviors, self knowledge of previously unconscious sexual fears does not usually eliminate the compensatory sexual fantasy. Thus, my knowing the WHY behind it does not temper my need to imagine myself in bed with a cute and girly but buff and defended (by a fully erect six inch sword) TG in order to become and stay sexually aroused.

And my question is simply this: Can any of you other fellas (or gals) identify with this? Or am I really as weird as my friends (both of them) say I am.



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[mustang1]

I understand what you're saying, but it doesn't resonate with me at all. I'm in my 50's and no stud by any means, but I still get aroused pretty readily. I've never had a ts, maybe they're just a big fantasy for me, though if I had the chance I'm sure I'd take it.

I have had quite a lot of women over the years, and they'd fit a wide range of descriptions, older, younger, pretty, not so pretty, dumb, smart. Thinking about it, I guess the main reason I fucked them is that I had the opportunity to at the time, thats always seemed enough for me and enough to get pleanty aroused. I only ever really fell for one, and she chewed me up and spat me out (she was 9 years older). Interestingly, my best friend and soulmate is a woman I've Known for 40 years, and have never fucked and no doubt never will.

[racquel]

Ideally people are looking for safety in a partner. Many have argued that things we are attracted to sexually can be linked to fertility and suitability as a provider and parent to our children.

You're not really differentiating "sexual excitement" from what someone looks for in a long-term partner, though, and you can't always equate the two – although dumb people usually don't have any qualifications for long-term partners other than sexual attraction.

People are often attracted to danger. How many women do you know who are much more attracted to borderline criminals than nice guys? Often they go through several terrible relationships before they realize that being with a bad guy is not a life plan that's going to make them happy. If you want to talk about fetishes you don't have to think very long to realize that certainly the things some people find extremely exciting are far from safe.

Victims of childhood trauma usually turn that into a source of sexual attraction in some way. Many boys who are raped by men become homosexual. Many women who are raped by men seek out abusive men. Women whose fathers leave often are attracted to unavailable men. People who have been abused subconsciously find abusive partners and the cycle continues.

I'm not saying it's truly prophetic, but there is some truth to the intro of Idiocracy:
http://www.livevideo.com/video/1EFA0...acy-intro.aspx

So while people should want safety and should be attracted to the conditions surrounding safety, in reality there are a lot of screwed up abused and outright stupid people for whom the opposite is true, and horrible parents outbreed good ones exponentially. I think the whole reason 2% of the US population is in prison is because this cycle is reaching critical mass – although draconian drug policy and the fundamentalist anti-abortion and anti-contraception agenda are certainly factors.

[Vanillas]

Thanks to those who have answered my thread to date. For them and for those who might follow I see I need to clarify something. When I offered my unconscious fear and its compensatory sexual fantasies as an example of the author's thesis in practice it was just that, an example. I cited it because it was mine and I was thus able to personalize it. But unconscious feelings of omnipotence, the attendant fear of hurting a sexual partner and the need to compensate by having or imagining a partner strong enough to allay that fear is only one of many sexual gestalts cited by the author. Others included: 1) A woman who unconsciously believed herself physically unattractive needing to create exhibitionistic fantasies in which she was the center of worshipful attention; 2) A man who felt overburdened by the pressures and demands of his many social contacts and his resulting need to maintain total anonymity during sex, even to the point of hiding his face; and 3) A young woman who felt totally ignored at work by a series of male bosses and yet with each was able to seduce him into a private tryst. Thus was she able to triumph over her feelings rejection and unworthiness.