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Old 04-25-2009
bossymax1981
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But the main point of my blog is that, while not everyone out there is out to do harm to others over the internet, the idea of having a long distance relationship with someone you have never met is, in itself, dangerous. I know many others who have been through it and everyone agrees that the symptoms are the same
First of all talking to someone on the phone feels very comfortable and safe. It is like the most intimate relationship you can have, and yet it maintains a distance that seems so safe. You only see each other at your best. You are so happy while talking and are basically just telling stories that you even downplay your faults when and if you even mention them. You do not see any of the mannerisms or habits that might irritate or bother you about one another. It is too easy to fall into the silly romantic pet names calling and talk. You find yourself actually thinking about a future with this dream person. You begin feeling like you have found your other. You think you are in love.
But it is all make-believe. You cannot fall in love with someone truly that you have never even met. Even after meeting, true love requires time to get to know one another truly in the world and to develop. But by the time people sucked up in this kind of thing do meet, more often than not they are so wrapped up in the fantasy that they are completely incapable of seeing the other person as anything but the object of the fantasy running through their own head.
I implore everyone out there to really try to only date people through these personal sites that you can meet very soon after finding that their is a mutual interest. If the person lives far away, and is going to be in your area or vice versa, then arrange to plan a meeting when you are close and avoid the phone calls. Save that for after you have already spent some time together and found that you have the interest in the real world before getting wrapped up in anything.
And if you see anyone important to you in your life getting wrapped up in something like this, I encourage you to talk to them and urge them to be guarded and careful about it. Not even taking into account just general safety, but because it is not a real thing and nothing healthy will come of it. Even if the person might be someone that you could have something with, this kind of a thing will color it and keep you from truly being able to make the decision rationally.
I thank you for letting me ramble and hope that someone gets something from what I have said. I would have given anything and would still, to have someone be able to help us in this before it got so out of hand.
Thanks for listening
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Old 04-25-2009
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Old 04-25-2009
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Old 04-26-2009
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LOL I just put up a post responding to some comments you made in another thread where I totally agreed with you, where I was totally supportive...and yet this is one where I DON'T agree with you at all. Well, I guess that back and forth nature of opinions is what makes life interesting and meeting new people and sharing ideas!

Are long distance relationships hard to maintain? Sure. Absolutely. They take a lot of dedication and commitment since you actually have to work at making time for each other on the phone, on the Net, or whatever, to stay in touch with each other. Make no mistake, a long distance relationship can be quite a challenge and draining unless you have that particular kind of stamina to stay on top of it.

Now, is honesty and trust an issue as well? Since you're actually not "there" to face the other person on a daily basis? To look for any tell-tale signs whether they're being fully honest with you about certain things, or if they're even seeing someone behind your back? After all, if you're dating long distance and not living in the same town...where you can just go over to the other person's apartment to talk to them (or outright confront them) it's pretty darn easy to say one thing, and then hang up the phone or log off the computer and go out and cheat around. Yep, there's a very real danger there that can lead to some very hard heartbreak.

On the other hand... I've been in some long distance relationships, one of which got as far as us nearly becoming engaged and setting a wedding date and all sorts of very nice things. And it didn't end because of the long distance, but because of other issues that would break up any normal couple that were living close to each other. However, that said, things were going well and they did get that far because -- yes, this is pretty obvious -- at SOME point you obviously DO have to meet each other face to face. You DO have to see how your chemistry is together in person, and you do want to experience how comfortable you feel with each other IN PERSON and doing all sorts of things. I won't deny that.

But I disgree with much of your premise that it's all "make believe" and that real emotions and real intents and real commitments are somehow not at work. And that's because I know. I've been there myself and I WILL swear to how hard both she and I worked at our relationship and how much effort and time and sincere emotions we put on the line.

And truth be told, in some ways the long distance between us didn't hold us back -- in certain ways it actually helped to BRING OUT many different issues and concerns that we both had, and the long distance helped us to look at each other that much stronger and deeper. Simply because being in a long distance relationship makes you stop and say "Hmm, is all this effort and time and traveling back and forth REALLY worth it? Is this REALLY what I want?" Personally, in my life, I've found that my long distance relationships helped me to come to some conclusions much quicker than when I was dating a local person, where you were more easy going about things.

But like I said, to each his own. Like anything in life...as is the case with ANY romantic relationship...I really do think it depends on the couple themselves and THEIR feeling for each other. No two couples are always the same, the way I see it...
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Old 04-26-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bossymax1981 View Post
I thank you for letting me ramble and hope that someone gets something from what I have said. I would have given anything and would still, to have someone be able to help us in this before it got so out of hand.
Thanks for listening
Too much blogging... let's do some ... flogging... kisses, sweetheart!
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