Waiting for my dream girl

[a9127]

CNN had a recap of stories from the past week. Placing mannequins around in public places to enforce “social distancing” has become common practice in the “Age of Coronavirus.”

This was me, my wife, and my girlfriend having dinner last night. She’s looking at me saying “Andy. Take off your hat! And don’t jack off in here… Shit. I can’t take you anywhere!”

My wife is looking at her saying “See what I have to deal with? He’s all yours honey…”

[a9127]

Tyra Scott, future wife.

[a9127]

Friday afternoon. Time to find a date. My picture keeps bringing them in. “He lives in Zionsville?”

(The last one. I can’t help it if she shares it with her boyfriend. )

[a9127]

Nicole Ferri.

I once said I would “leave my wife and move to Argentina” to be with Nicole. Actually, moving to Argentina sounds like a good idea right now. Maybe Nicole wouldn’t mind my wife living with us?

[a9127]

CNN has more "fake ads" today. At least they haven't had any "Born Before 1985" ads featuring 80 year old men in a while. Christ.

Although I did see something today that defined "over 30" as "elderly" regarding coronavirus. WTF???

However they did feature another "future wife."

She's really beautiful. But thought she looked kind of young so I ran the "age test" on her. "26." That will work. I know the thing is highly accurate because I ran a selfie I took earlier when I was working out through it and it said I looked "27."

This particular ad said something about "working from home." I don't know if she's working or not but I know what she's thinking:

"He lives in Zionsville!"

[a9127]

CNN also had a story on “virtual dating” in the “Age of COVID-19.” Jesus, will they stop already? I’m getting sick just from reading the news. May have to get tested.

Does that mean I can go out with anybody? It’s a nice day today and I’ve thought about getting the Harley out this afternoon.

So who would my “virtual date” be?

I could choose from a lot of “celebrity crushes” but it’d have to be someone who can also ride…

And I’ve always had a thing for “60’s women” anyway.

This is Diane McBain. Born May 18, 1941 (she’s how much older than me?) Diane was very popular in the 50’s and 60’s. I know of her because of this one movie “The Miniskirt Mob” and its connection with motorcycles.

A Triumph! “Nice bike.” Well, that was my second thought…

Wonder where we're going? “Think you can keep up big guy?”

The description said “absolutely gorgeous.”

She guest starred on “Batman.” Adam West is supposed to be 6’2”. Not sure of that. Even if she’s wearing heels. Maybe standing on a box?

My two wives in real life are nurses. So I guess this could work. Fuck yeah!

Her autobiography. Just based on her looks alone, I can’t see how she wasn’t a huge superstar. I know very little about the entertainment industry and how they decide who to promote but Good God!

[a9127]

This “clickbait” ad appeared on MSNBC today. 90? 90?? 90??? I don’t think so. Jaclyn Smith was one of the three original members of the TV series “Charlie’s Angels” in the 70’s along with Farrah and Kate Jackson. I have seen it in repeats. Of course I have…

Jaclyn is considered by many to be the “most beautiful” of the three and was a popular actress and model during the 80’s. She was born in October 1945, which makes her 74. A far cry from “90.”

But I have an idea. Why don’t they use her instead of that 80 year old man in those “Born Before 1985” ads? Hell, I’d click on them!

(One episode I saw had Kate Jackson driving a Ford Pinto with a phone in the center console. Pretty cool for 1976. Yes they did have car phones back then. But a Pinto? )

[ila]

Originally Posted by a9127

...(One episode I saw had Kate Jackson driving a Ford Pinto with a phone in the center console. Pretty cool for 1976. Yes they did have car phones back then. But a Pinto? )

I thought you might like a Pinto for an illustration.

[a9127]

I like it. Especially how the flames start from the back. And the "Flammable" sign. Very clever.

Here’s an Orange 1977 Pinto for sale. Looks pretty good. Someone has taken care of it.

But I already know what car I would be driving back then (OK so it’s a ’79–I’m off by a couple years) But this got me thinking… Which “Angel” would I date and where would we go?

The answer is easy. All of them!!! I’m sure they’re driving around looking for Zionsville. That is Cheryl Ladd. She’s saying “Guys! He wasn’t even born yet!”

The three original “Angels.” Farrah…

“Andy, there’s lots of room in back…”

So where would we go in 1976? This was a tough one… Guess it would have to be a Peter Frampton concert.

[a9127]

Dating in the “Age of Coronavirus.” This was today’s best “fake ad” courtesy of CNN.

Went to the beach yesterday (wait, there are no beaches in Indiana! ). Met someone who I think is another “future wife.”

She seemed really nice and we had a lot in common. Just hope she’s “over 18” and still wondering what she looks like…

[a9127]

Shit. Don’t know what I was thinking. Peter Frampton? Hell, THIS is what I would’ve taken my date to back in 1976. In Detroit. Fuck yeah!!!

That is Hayley Williams with them in the second pic. Maybe she could be my date in 2020?

Of course I’ve also seen Hayley with Paramore.

(KISS is still around. Just like Ozzy. Wonder how old they would be now? Have seen them live but it would have been a totally different line up. Maybe not… Peter Criss was their original drummer. I think Eric Singer was the drummer when I saw them. Even that now seems like a long time ago… I thought they were awesome. Again, way ahead of their time. What was like this?)

[Boner]

Still, I would love to go riding motorcycles with Charlie’s Angels, Loni Anderson, or Diane McBain anytime. [/QUOTE]

I’d like to ride with Danielle on her bike!

Sorry for stepping on your post but maybe you can tell me what her motorcycle is? It’s sexy- but not as sexy as she is!

[a9127]

Originally Posted by Boner

I’d like to ride with Danielle on her bike!

Think it's a Honda VTX. My first thought was a Shadow but it's too big. All three of us could fit on there...

And this is Carrie Underwood posing on the Indian that was given to her by Miranda Lambert a few years ago.

Better put your boots and leather on Carrie. Wouldn't want anything to happen to those legs and feet.

(Carrie is another one of my "girls from Tennessee." Hayley, Miley, Taylor... Pretty sure she also lived in Franklin. Sexy pic. Would make a great poster.)

[a9127]

Today's best "fake ad" on CNN featured "Cosplayers Who Took It Too Far."

Of course I clicked on it!

But my all time favorite cosplayer has to be Tara Emory.

[a9127]

My date for this weekend has got to be…

Diane McBain from “The Mini Skirt Mob.” This picture however is from another movie. Maybe we should start a “Diane McBain Fan Club”?

With her “ex” in the movie. “Sorry dude, get lost…” I would have had her say “fuck off” but I don’t think they swore in movies back then.

She’s saying: “Bet you can’t catch me Andy…” Bet I can.

That looks small and uncomfortable. We would be better off on mine…

Wonder which one we’ll take? I read that she learned to ride a “big motorcycle” for this movie. She’s 5’7”. I have a “Fat Boy Lo.” I’d let her ride it—as long as she took me along.

“Shit. I didn’t expect his wife to show up…”

(This movie was filmed in Arizona. Wonder where? Biggest bike I’ve ever ridden was a retired colleague’s “Gold Wing.” About the size of a small car. V6 engine. Newest models have “Apple Music,” Bluetooth, and Navigation. Also can get a 7 speed “automatic” transmission. Was very easy to ride actually. Bet you could go to sleep. Not quite ready for one of those yet… Maybe in another 30 or 40 years? )

[Boner]

[QUOTE=a9127;276333]Think it's a Honda VTX. My first thought was a Shadow but it's too big. All three of us could fit on there...

Sounds good!

Looks Danielle looks like she's ready to go Maybe you could drive and I could sit behind Danielle?

[a9127]

The 60's again. According to "Pinterest" this is Judy Geeson.

A popular model and singer of the time, she is perhaps best known for her role in "To Sir With Love." And was on the series "Danger UXB" in the late 70's. You don't know what a UXB is? Look it up...

(That kid checking her out would definitely be me. )

[a9127]

Chanel Santini's beauty staggers the imagination. I'm speechless...

[a9127]

Today’s best CNN “fake ads.”

“Celebrity Height Differences.” Me on my date with Taylor Swift last night.

"Photos from “The Wild West.” Do you think this is really a modern picture? I did too. It’s just the way she looks. Doesn’t look like someone from the 19th century. Whatever, all I have to say is “Yippie-Ki-Yay Motherfucker!”

And this one was about “On-Line Classes in Zionsville.” My “future wife” is thinking “Dr. Andy lives in Zionsville!”

[a9127]

Well shit. So when all else fails...

"He lives in Zionsville!"

(Never had any need for dating sites with that pic. Also I'm over 6'4", rich, educated, good looking, and drive a Corvette ZR-1. Why be modest? Everyone else thinks they're "God's gift to women." )

[a9127]

This ad came up today. They are selling facemasks for the upcoming NFL season. The Indianapolis Colts are our local team. Of course the picture got my attention

Very good idea. Not necessarily for guarding against Coronavirus in crowds but rather to keep my wife from seeing me with my new girlfriend...

[a9127]

The “fake ad” was vague. Something about “Locating an Attorney in Zionsville.” But I knew that being caught speeding through town (it’s 30 mph and I was doing over 100) in the ZR-1 this time would merit a severe sentence.

All I could do is throw myself on the mercy of the court.

The beautiful judge was new. Recently elected, I wondered if she would show me any “leniency”?

“Dr. Andy, I hereby sentence you to 1000 hours of community service to be served on consecutive Friday nights. You are to report to my chambers immediately.”

Then she smacked her gavel saying “this court is hereby adjourned.”

With my arms still handcuffed behind my back I was led to the judges chambers. The bailiff left us alone and exited the room locking the door.

Opening her black robe, she revealed her gorgeous body wearing only a black bra, panties, and stockings. Taking out her hard 7” cock which was already dripping with pre cum, she said: “You may begin serving your sentence…”

Kneeling before her. I knew exactly what to do…

[a9127]

Today's best "fake ad." When I was very young, for a brief time we lived in New York City. My Dad sometimes took me on the subway. I would always look forward to it. Wonder why?

[a9127]

Today’s best “fake ad” was about “celebrity mishaps on the red carpet.”

This happened a few years ago at the 2014 GQ “Man of The Year” Awards. I didn’t win… But my date, Cara Delevigne and I got caught in a “compromising moment” when she slipped…

Unfortunately this incident landed me in hot water with Hayley, Taylor, and Miley to say nothing of my wife…

[a9127]

The “fake ad” on CNN said something about “Cosmetic Surgery in Zionsville to Remove Wrinkles” and featured a close up of a beautiful woman’s face.

She looked familiar so I decided to do a little detective work to find out who my “future wife” was…

This is what I found. It’s Katie Holmes.

Of course any surgeon even thinking about touching that face should have their ass thrown in jail and their license taken away.

[a9127]

Today’s best “fake ad.” No. I think it was OK to take this picture. Last week I was “best man” at a friend’s wedding in Zionsville. These are the bridesmaids. They are saying: “Wow. Andy wasn’t kidding about that picture he posted on TLB… (giggle)”

[a9127]

They are saying that in the United States we may have to start "quarantining" again if there is likely a second outbreak of Coronavirus.

One website is already promoting the use of masks for "safe sex."

[a9127]

Today’s best “fake ad” on CNN is this one. The caption read “Dr: This May Be The Best Solution For Arthritis.”

Of course the “solution” is CBD oil.

But it was the suggestive picture that got my attention. My first thought was NOT about cannabis.

Or do I just have a dirty mind?

[a9127]

The “Millennial Makeover” didn’t work but that’s not stopping me.

My gym opened up about a month ago. Back to working out… Gotta get in shape.

"Born To Be Wild"

It’s gotta be the shoes… You know what they say about “big feet”?

Fuck yes! Now I'll get laid...

"But officer they all looked 18."

[a9127]

Today’s favorite “clickbait ad” comes from the New York Times.

[a9127]

This "fake ad" suggested pouring baby oil in her ear...

(Somehow I don't think tying up my partner and pouring oil in her ear sounds very sexy. Kinky maybe... )

[a9127]

Originally Posted by a9127

This "fake ad" suggested pouring baby oil in her ear...

(Somehow I don't think tying up my partner and pouring oil in her ear sounds very sexy. Kinky maybe... )

Well they did say "oiled" didn't they?

(Jamie French )

[a9127]

After coming down hard on Segway’s, I decided to see what other pictures of people using them I could find. One big reason the Segway has done poorly is the expense… In 2001 they sold for about $5,000 USD. That, more than anything else, is probably what kept it from becoming a household “consumer” product. Also in many people’s minds they developed a reputation for “dorkiness.” See the pictures of the “tour group” and the “polo match” in my other post. I doubt pictures like that helped sell many.

But I was completely sold on one after seeing my “future wife” with a Segway.

Hell, I might even trade the Harley in on one. No, just kidding. But she can go riding with me anytime…

[a9127]

What began as a rant against Segway’s and electric scooters has turned out to be a good day for locating “future wives.” You never know where you might meet “the one.”

Her name is Teravena Sugimoto.

[a9127]

There was stiff competition on CNN today between, “assisted living facilities near Zionsville,” “coronavirus masks,” and “Saharan Dust,” but the “fake ad” that grabbed my attention today was this one. The caption read: “She Was A Legendary Actress, Today She Works 9 To 5.”

It didn’t take me very long to recognize Cameron Diaz one of my major “celebrity crushes.” I like most guys, fell in love with her way back in 1994 when she appeared in “The Mask.”

Interestingly after my divorce in 2009, I took a “who is your celebrity match” quiz just for fun on a dating site I had joined.

Guess who turned out to be my match?

Of course anyone could have told you she doesn’t need to work “9 to 5” but here’s what Wikipedia had to say about her success:

“Her accolades include four Golden Globe Award nominations, three Screen Actors Guild Award nominations, and a New York Film Critics Award. In 2013, she was named the highest-paid actress over 40 in Hollywood. As of 2018, the U.S. domestic box office grosses of Diaz's films total over $3 billion USD, with worldwide grosses surpassing $7 billion, making her the fifth highest-grossing U.S. domestic box office actress.”

The last three pics are from “There’s Something About Mary” (wonder what’s up with the hair? ), “Bad Teacher,” and “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.”

[a9127]

This was a couple years ago. My birthday is August 18. I remember my wife and her friends wanted to “surprise” me. Never realized they’d post it.

[a9127]

Today’s best “clickbait” ad was for a clothing company and featured a very pretty model. I guess they finally figured out what works on me.

Funny, I haven’t been falling for that 87 year old man “Born Before 1985” the “Assisted Living in Zionsville” ads, the “Millennial's Are Learning a New Language” ads, or anything featuring “30 Year Old Boomers.”

Anyway this led to meeting my latest “future wife.” Is this better than Tinder or what?

Her name is Irene Linares.

She said “So Andy, your wife has to work all weekend?”

[a9127]

"We want to take Dr. Andy's class. 'Business Analytics' sounds like fun (giggle) and we don't give a fuck that he's married..."

(Most of you know I teach at a university in Indianapolis. We don't even know what to expect this Fall. Plans were to open for "normal" classes but the Coronavirus situation in the United States has gotten worse. Our last "faculty meeting" in late June was a mess. No one seems to know what they are doing. Wearing masks, size of classes, social distancing, attendance, etc. My wife (a nurse) is very concerned especially after listening in on the conference call. So I have opted to teach 100% online. I was also named "Executive in Residence" effective 8/1. An endowed (He said, "endowed" huh huh huh...) position (like a Chair) that will require me to interact with the local business community. As part of this deal I will teach two "upper level" Business Analytics classes. I can do this from home and meet with students in small groups on campus. Will use Webex a lot. This will make me the highest paid faculty member and puts me "salary wise" on the level of a VP (in this case like a "CIO"). The "bad news" is that technically I had to "resign" in order to accept this. So right now, I'm unemployed... )

[a9127]

Today's "fake ad" ended up taking me to an article on “celebrity heights” which in turn led me to Reddit and a discussion on “height and dating.” Still don’t know who they are (think it’s wrestling) but at least one of them could have her way with me anytime. You know which one… So it's a date?

Of course if it’s on “Reddit” you know it’s true. Their members all know so much! This post however, is the one that really got my attention:

Guys,
30M here, 5’6, bald, eastern US. I’ve been trying my luck on online dating sites, such as hinge and okcupid. I put my height down, and I still get a decent amount of likes every day. I’m in good shape, definitely muscular but not roided. I think I’m average in terms of looks. Have a good job.
I’m starting to match with really great women that say I’m a catch as well. They follow up in text and appear to be genuinely interested. They’re mostly in their mid 30’s, but I don’t mind. Also I’m getting the most interest from asian women(I love asian women so win win), although the one that called me a catch is about an inch taller than me. I’ve also gotten likes from 5’8 women.
I’m beginning to think my height isn’t a huge deal. I think my pictures are shitty and if improved could yield even more success.
I feel like I’m slowly losing my height insecurities.
I think my goal is not only to find the love of my life, but serve as an inspiration on here that a 168cm guy can find love and an amazing career(already checked that one off). I think it’ll take a little more time, but I want the next update to this post to be that I’ve found my gf and future wife.

Sounds fake to me. Like something from a “clickbait” ad. Christ, thought he was selling CBD oil or “penis enlargement” at first. Maybe he’s actually that 87 year old guy in the “Born Before 1985” ads?

Lots of things wrong with this. For example: “asian” women? With a small “a”? and “Eastern US”? (what’s so bad about being from New Jersey or New York or Boston? ).

He gets “likes” because of all the bots and spammers. I used the “YUNo” guy’s picture once, said I was “60” and 4’11” and still got hundreds of “likes.” Right below this post you can see some of my “future wives.” Maybe I should be the one giving “dating advice”?

[a9127]

Golf…

Two guys were playing golf. They get to the first tee and see two women playing ahead of them.

One of them says "That's my wife and my girlfriend!"

The second man says “You took the words right out of my mouth…”

[a9127]

Glad to see someone liked the post about my bondage loving “future wife.”

We would make a great couple. From the looks of it I’m pretty sure if we didn’t have anything else in common we could base our relationship just on that.

Here’s today’s “fake ad.” I’ve posted this one before. But I don’t think I ran the “age test” on her picture. “Old”? WTF? But then I don’t know what the people who create these ads are really thinking.

Anyway, maybe she should be my “future wife” as you can see from my picture on the right. We’re obviously close in age…

[a9127]

Today's "fake ad" suggests hiring a "professional organizer"? Shit. I knew there was something I could do. I'm sure there are many busy people who would pay well for such a service...

But the best part would be the fringe benefits.

[a9127]

Many schools and universities in the United States are still tying to decide whether or not to offer sports this fall because of coronavirus. Despite the risk, I think it can be managed and it would be a mistake not to offer student-athletes the opportunities afforded by athletic programs.

As you know I played football a long time ago at a “Division I” university (mid 2000’s). While I didn’t have a spectacular career, the life’s lessons gained from competing as part of a team, developing effective work habits, achieving goals, performing in front of thousands of people, dealing with the media, the lifelong friendships made, and the opportunities in business presented have proved vital to my success in life.

But It would be a shame if all sports were to be cancelled for the 20-21 school year. I would volunteer to be a coach if it would help...

(The situation is very serious. In the United States, even professional sports are having a hard time deciding what to do. Many NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL players have tested positive for COVID-19. To say nothing of the crowds that could be expected. I have been following the matter closely all summer and still couldn’t tell you what will eventually happen. The only positive news to emerge from the sporting world recently is that it is good to be Patrick Mahomes. )

[a9127]

Fake flight? Sounds like fun… Not!

Sixty eager "travelers" showed up to Taipei Songshan Airport on Thursday, boarding passes in hand, to take a rather unusual trip. Their destination? Nowhere.

While most flights in Taiwan are still grounded because of the Covid-19 outbreak, Taipei Songshan Airport (also called Taipei International Airport) is offering locals a tiny taste of travel, dubbed "pretend to go abroad" airport tours.

"In addition to letting the participants go through security screening, identification inspection and other immigration clearance procedures, they actually boarded the plane to experience the fun of boarding," Ting Hsu, who works in Songshan Airport's planning department, told CNN Travel.

But it did give me an idea. Maybe I could have a “fake date” with Dove Cameron.

(Moderators: These are from Dove’s 18th birthday party several years ago. So it’s OK. The only part that sucked was that Dove couldn’t have a drink… That and my wife showed up and dumped that dessert on my head. )

[a9127]

In my "junk" folder this morning. Is someone trying to tell me something? Knew I never should have clicked on that "Born Before 1985" ad.

[a9127]

Not much to post today. Getting desperate. So I will apologize in advance for this one...

This was today's "fake ad."

The idea seems like a bad one from the start. Someone decided to present all NFL starting Quarterbacks as women.

The clickbait ad featured Tom Brady. If you follow the NFL, he's not even with the Patriots anymore, having signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Not sure he qualifies as a "dream girl' in my book. His wife (Gisele Bündchen) does however.

He played college football at Michigan. Saw him play when I was in high school. I have never been one of his detractors although I currently live in Indianapolis and am a Colts fan.

[a9127]

Not having much luck with women. Figured I better “get with the program” if I didn’t want to die a virgin.

So a total image makeover was called for. This guy looks like he is incorporating all of the latest trends. I’m sure he has them lining up for dates…

Maybe I could “steal his style”?

(Shit. Looks like it’s “U + Ur Hand” dude. The only way he’s gonna get laid is if he sells his startup for $3 billion and buys a Koenigsegg. )

[a9127]

Of course if it’s a “virtual date” I would choose a 21 year old Dove Cameron as “Mal” from Descendants 2.

They did say you could go out with anybody, right?

She’s saying “Andy, that’s great that you are only 25. Four years isn’t much of an age difference. And I’m glad you’re single. This morning when I woke up I felt so much taller too. I could've sworn I was like 5’9”... ”

[a9127]

It’s pretty obvious I like both cis and trans women. And if you know anything about me you know my first girlfriend was trans. Actually “he” still identified as male (at least outwardly) when we first met and when we first had sex. I have only been with a few women in my lifetime but tend to have had longer relationships with them. My current wife by the way knows all about TLB. Shit, she comes on here with me occasionally. She thinks it’s awesome. Like me she wishes it would thrive. There is a need for a site like this. Maybe now more than ever.

Yes there really IS a “Zionsville” Indiana and yes that’s where we live. The “Stonegate” subdivision right off Oak Street (SR 334). Look it up.

One of the things I’ve always thought was great about this site was an appreciation of all women. I have remained active in the Indianapolis LGBTQ community and strongly support my gay and trans friends. But I don’t identify as gay or bisexual (not that it matters). I simply love and admire beautiful women. For a few years now, I have displayed a Trans Ally flag on my website and motorcycle. I think that’s how I best identify and can be of support to my friends.

So I hope you enjoy these pictures of my new friend. She’s the one featured in the “What Turned Me on Today” thread. You know, the sexy “Raven Haired Beauty” tied to a frame.

Those pics have gotten more views than anything else I’ve posted in quite a while. Yes that was a true story. Two of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had. She’s super hot. Fuck, I still feel bad about not at least texting her the next day. And as it turns out, I have seen her before. I recognized her by the tattoo on her left arm. Her name is Wenona and has done many bondage themed shoots, some involving transgender models. I had free time today so I decided to do a search for whatever else I could find on her.

What can I say? I hate being right all the time… Yeah, it seems like we would have many things in common. We are just about the same age, she’s tall, and first tied herself up at a very young age using a jump rope (wonder where it comes from anyway?). She used to skydive when she was younger and is also into art, fitness (obviously ), and travel. She met her longtime partner when she was just 17. But if she’d ever want to meet for a “Bondage Date” I’m sure we could figure something out.

[a9127]

This post is for anyone who worships Dove Cameron.

There was a thing today on CNN about an app that provides a “virtual friend.” She appears on your phone and interacts with you. My wife already does that. Especially if I’m late for something. But this avatar will work nicely.

Of course this is a drawing of Dove as “Mal” from the first Descendants. She was 19. Cute pic. She’s one of the most beautiful women who has ever lived. But if my wife ever saw a picture of a “19 year old” come up on my phone… Well, it was nice knowing you guys.

Descendants 2. I have never understood the “timeline.” The three movies were filmed two years apart so Dove is 19, 21, and 23. However, the “backstory” takes place over something like 6 months. “Auradon Prep” is more of a high school although all the actors are all in their late teens or early 20’s. Dove is “21” here. My wife says, “Good luck with convincing her you’re only 25 big guy.”

In “Descendants 2” King Ben gives Mal a purple scooter. Fuck yes! It's good to be the King.

“Awesome! Now I can go riding with Andy.”

Of course this would be my choice for Mal. A Sportster in “Voodoo Purple.” So it’s a date?