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#1
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What kind of disorder do I have?
Hi ladies and gentlemen,
I don't know if this would be the right place for this kind of question, but I felt a nice ambience in this forum. I'm a guy and I feel masculine. I was always sexually attracted to girls, big time. Even before I knew sex existed, like at age of 4, I was sexually attracted to girls. To be more specific, I am attracted to vulnerability and fragility. All the girls I had a crush on, since early childood, had an extremely fragile (sometimes almost ill) look. The problem is I always understood the penis as symbol of fragility and vulnerability and therefore I was always uncomfortable with having one. Naturally, with time, it became a symbol of femininity, instead of masculinity. The bigger it is, the more exposed, the more vulnerable it seems to me. It doesn't represent strength at all. I don't know if it sounds like absurd, but I always had this mindset and I find very odd that I never met or even heard of someone who had this type of understanding too. I might be wrong, but I have the impression that girls secretly desire to have a penis instead of a vagina, as it would actually enhance their femininity, but they are afraid to admit it, as society "brainwashes" them into thinking that penis is symbol of strength and manliness. But probably that's just an illusion of a twisted mind. I then discovered transsexuals and that there were men who are attracted to them. Not only that, they search for the most feminine and passable ones, with the longest penis possible. I briefly thought that I have found people with similar interests. But, to my perplexity, both transsexuals and admirers see the penis as a symbol of strength and dominance, and the men who likes it act submissive in front of it. And these men are also proud of having one and using it, althought they are attracted to it. So the curse is I'm different, I don't accept having a penis, as I am attracted to it. That seems like a transsexual problem but I am not feminine. So, as a result, I am unable to have sex, because I can't pick up women and I can't pick up men. I guess what I really want to know here is if there are other cases similar to mine, and what are your thoughts on this. Even if it's just to call me weird, to tell me to search for help, I don't mind, I just need to hear. Sorry to bother you if this seems like a rant, but I just needed to get that off. Regards |
#2
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Just follow your instints. The only thing that matters is what YOU want and feel comfortable with. We are mostly worried about what others think about us. But it doesn't matter what others think. YOU are the only person who should control your feelings. What's the difference between your cock in a TS or a GG pussy as long as YOU feel comfortable with it? And as far as having a cock is concerned, don't look at it from the outside. Just think about how it feels to have one. This whole identity problem is kind of home made and completely irrelevant. You are a person, a human being, long before you are a man or whatever. Sexual orientation is just a personal preference and it can even change over time. Like you, I felt attracted to women all my life and then I discovered T-girls and now I love both of them. And I still feel in no way attracted to men. But I would never say I'd never like a man. If some nice lad crossed my path, who knows? So what? Just don't over complicate the matter. Do what YOU feel you should do and that will enable you to be truly yourself. For your own life YOU are the measure of all things. |
#3
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Thanks for responding.
You make perfect sense, but you are talking from a rational point of view. But I don't feel sexual desires to be rational... I don't have that level of control over them. I understand there are people that can enjoy multiple sexual roles, as long as there is sex, but that's not my case. My sexual orientation is a bit radical. In my fantasies I have always a specific role and I can't seem to change it. Maybe that's because I'm a systematic person. Even straight sex seems to me like a bissexual mess, if you understand me. So, the way I work is not complicated, it is extremely simple, to be honest. Impossible is the word here. I don't know if I'm making any sense... |
#4
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If you are in such termoil then you might want to look for a therapist and he or she will help you figure everything out, Sorry i can't give you a better answer Jennifer
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#5
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But if you want to discuss further and go into more details, feel free to do so. But be warned, we are no psychologists. |
#6
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fantasies
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First, could you explain to us why you use the name cannibal? Second, it might help, if you could share some of your fantasies with us. Third, do you have unusual feelings about nonsexual objects? We are here for you.
__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#7
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I'm sorry if I can't make myself any clearer than that. This subject appears simple to me most likely beacause I grew up with it. I know very well what turns me on and why. My real curiosity probably is if it turns on other people too. |
#8
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#9
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Where I think much of the angst you feel stems is the fact that neither men nor women are so neatly boxed. Vulnerability is a strength, and traditionally "feminine" roles require immense will and fortitude. So, while society in many ways feeds images that confirm your ideas, people confound them. Or I could be totally missing the mark - it happens.
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- I hate being braver than the guys I date. - Yes, it's me in the avatar Blog: http://laughriotgirl.wordpress.com/ |
#10
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Smart!
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__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#11
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I have searched the internet for similar fetishes but they don't seem to exist. Just once I found a post somewhere from a guy reporting that as a kid he was aroused by a cartoon where a character, I think Bugs Bunny, was served on a tray with vegetables etc. I had that too. He said that was innate and I feel that way too. Quote:
In the beginning, I mean when I was very young, I wasn't aware of penises and vaginas, but I often fantasized about sucking and licking female classmates, etc. As I became aware of sex organs and their sensibility, I became obsessed with stimulating them (not mine, other's). As sucking a vagina seemed to me like eating soup with a fork, I soon started to fantasize about sucking girls with penises. Nowadays I imagine every woman with a penis. And myself, along with the rest of the male kind, with some sort of manly vagina, with no clit. In my fantasies women always have orgasms, as I see orgasm as a sign of vulnerability and submission. Of course, in my fantasies, I (men) don't have orgasms as we are sort of physically insensitive. The pleasure is purelly psychological. Crazy? I often fantasize that a woman is having sex with me and orgasming while I'm completely unaware of that (doing something else or sleeping, for example). She then becomes depleted and I remain invulnerable. I think it's about consuming, depleting the other part, it's about power and vulnerability. There is a male - female relation in that and I strongly identify with the male part. I hope that explains the cannibal nick. Quote:
Dude, thanks for your interest. |
#12
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Transjen and Bionca,
You nailed it perfectly. I'm speechless, as it took me my whole life to be able to fully understand my own issue, and you got it nailed so fast. Thank you, you made me feel better by showing that it is understandable by other people, not only by me. |
#13
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Mind
Cannibal
Because of my oral fixation. I always desire to use my mouth on attractive women. Sucking, licking, etc.. For me it it represents a dominant act. And the pleasure a woman feels in being on the other end (my mouth, tongue), represents her submission. Cannibalism is just a metaphor for that, because it represents the ultimate domination. I become extremely aroused when women describe themselves using edible/drinkable terms. You should understand now why I wouldn't like my penis sucked. I guess it would be similar to the humiliation a straight guy would feel if he was penetrated. You have a very interesting mind. I relate to some of the things you have to say. I love "eating " pussey, I like the feeling of giving pleasure which is desired and needed by my partner. To give a women multiple orgasms is my greatest desire. This desire has recently trans-ferred to shemales. I have an intense desire to pleasure a shemale. I would gladly forgo my own sensual pleasure in order to pleasure her. However, I would love to have my penis sucked and I also fantasize about that. Also, I am excited by shemales that produce milk from their breasts, I would love to suck those titties and drink their delicious shemale milk, yummm! So, as you can see, perhaps you are not as weird as you think you are, we are all weird.
__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#14
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It is how I feel things should be. Not a fantasy.
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Just an observation... my heavy attraction to fragile looking females is innate, native, something born with me, not brought to me by society. It was always present like an instinct. And I think this is the source of all my problems (boxing and stuff, as you said). The irony in this... I could say I'm so straight that it makes me not straight. |
#15
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When my friends talk about sex, for example, how they conquered some girl and made her cum all night till she couldn't anymore (whether they are telling the truth or not), I relate to that. But things change when they describe other regular (for them) sex acts, like getting blowjobs, handjobs, cumming in general and getting consumed. That's when they start loosing their masculinity (strengh) to my eyes. When they call their cock "lollipop", "candy", etc., all their masculinity is gone. When they start moaning imitating the sex act, they are fully women. A question: you see yourself doing what you described with feminine partners or with men to? |
#16
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I'm sure there are lots of "demure" t-girls and whatnot out there. And, for the record, I've seen my share of porn where t-girls/t-women do not behave in that fashion. I also found Bionca's response fascinating. Not so much about the vulnerability of the penis, which was interesting all by itself, but this part: "Where I think much of the angst you feel stems is the fact that neither men nor women are so neatly boxed. Vulnerability is a strength, and traditionally "feminine" roles require immense will and fortitude. So, while society in many ways feeds images that confirm your ideas, people confound them." I think that defines some of my own struggles. Maybe you and I aren't so different, cannibal. Intellectually, I am a full-blown liberal. I value independence and self-determination for everyone. But sexually, a strong, independent woman is quite a strange thing for me. And it's NOT because I'm an "Alpha Male" -- at least, I don't THINK I am. But maybe it's that that's causing it underneath. I would rather a mate be submissive and shy and need looking after. I cherish that vulnerability. That neediness. But maybe it's nothing more than a measure of how little I've matured in 25 years on this planet. Maybe I still want a child-like partner to match my child-like emotional neediness? I don't know if we're quite along the same lines, but I do feel like I know where you're coming from. Kinda. Sorta. Re: The Shrink. I'd only see one if you think you really need to. Remember: Mental dysfunction is subjective. A debilitating weakness for one person might be a strength for someone else. Consider this neat little story. It's slightly abstract and crude, but it says so much: Quote:
Don't punish yourself for your rare tastes and beliefs. Being an individual ROCKS! If you can handle it. Newton. Darwin. Einstein. They were guys with a few cool perspectives, weren't they? And look how much we're benefiting from them today. I know this may not come as any comfort, but society needs unusual ideas to prevent stagnation and death. Like the "cracked pot" story, it's a little wayward and off the point, but it's something to find strength in, I feel. I'm sure you'll meet a person who matches your desires eventually. It probably will require a little fortitude and effort, though.
__________________
The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats … The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. -- Alfred Kinsey
Last edited by TheSkronkDonkey; 02-09-2009 at 12:42 PM. |
#17
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crackpot
Dear Skronk,
That cracked pot story is so beautiful I almost cried reading it. where did you find it?
__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#18
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Oh yes. Lovely story. I'll certainly remember it. I collect those little stories of wisdom. :-)
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#19
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Wow, that story really got me... If your goal was to make me feel better, you really did it. Honestly. And I didn't find it "wayward" or "off the point" as you said. Thanks man.
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As for being liberal I am also like you. I think anything goes, but not when I am involved, because I'm not turned on by anything. As women stronger then me don't turn me on. I find that very natural, although some people would say it's related to my strong will and leadership attributes. Quote:
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But there is a very rational part of me that tells me it isn't actually the way to go, since women who want to have a penis in order to feel feminine don't seem to exist, or at least don't seem to assume that, what obviously leads to problems in my practical life. So this rational part of me tries to convert me into "normal standards", that dictate that penis is masculine and not feminine. The problem is I am already very sure of the feminine traits of the penis and it is hard to find the masculine ones. |
#20
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I understand the power of fragility. Women do have some power over men, simply due to the fact that men love vulnerability (or so I like to believe). So it is correct to say that, if I love vulnerability, I'm vulnerable to someone who possess vulnerability. I don't mind that, because it doesn't change the fact that women are physically more vulnerable and fragile than man, which is what I dig. This is a physical, sex thing. I am an extreme case, but I'm not so different from most men. Men are notorious for attacking what's physically vulnerable. As a kid I was notorious for pinching, squeezing, tickling weaker kids. It makes me feel powerful to give sensations. And I dare to say that is why men are so attracted to pre-op transsexuals. Because they have a vulnerable sex organ. A sex organ that is, in that sense, feminine. I'm surprised that it was never mentioned in any why-are-you-attracted-to-transsexuals thread. But that's why I'm attracted to them. |
#21
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Is anybody into / suffers from vorarephilia?
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