Desperately in need of a new image if I’m ever going to get laid. Something that will make any woman instantly want to go to bed with me. Was searching the Internet for advice and found this.
https://www.eater.com/2014/4/24/6236...es-cargo-pants
First published in 2014, here’s an excerpt:
Quote:
…attempt to be "to be modern and relevant”… (Me: Yeah, for 1985 maybe.)
…includes yellow cargo pants and a vest "accompanied by a red-and-white striped rugby shirt." He will also be sporting a "whimsical new red blazer" and a special bowtie for special events…
…using the hashtag #RonaldMcDonald" the release quotes him as saying, "Selfies …here I come!"
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Damn! What’s next? The cover of “GQ”? His own “Bachelor” reality show?
I can’t imagine the beautiful, successful, millennial woman who would not “swipe right” on this. If I had only known I would have worn this outfit to the Paramore concert last month. Hayley I’m sure would have invited me back to her dressing room. After seeing this, Dove Cameron walked off the set of “Descendants 3” and headed to Zionsville. Miley, just this week said she and Liam have “no plans to get married anytime soon.” My beautiful 6’4” volleyball player, Manon, jumped on a plane in Amsterdam and flew to Indianapolis. And Nicole Ferri asked me to come live with her in Argentina on a private beach where we can have sex every day for the rest of our lives.
(It’s gotta be the shoes. You know what they say about people with “big feet”? 
Disclaimer: I don’t ever go to McDonalds. Since reading this yesterday, I learned he “retired” in 2017. So I guess it didn't work. 
)