A part of me was hesitant to post this, but if this thread is TRULY to explore drugs, we must explore all parts. Including the nasty coming down parts. Thus, here is an entry from my journal that explains my rather lackluster whereabouts as of late:
Friday, or is it? Been on a run for awhile now, a combo of opiates and LOTS of liquor. That sweet acrid fire, that brings warmth as it flows down the esophagus-- my bottle is sitting in the open. The boss has left for the day, at least I think. The heat of the greenhouse invites no greater desire than to keep drinking. Granted, my productivity isn't quite as high while I'm like this. In fact, I've barely gotten anything done all day...
My dog is barking. Someone is banging on the door of the greenhouse. I come to, where am I? Still in the greenhouse...What have I been doing...Passed out on the floor apparently. There is the impression of the rock floor over half of my body. I stagger to the door and open it to reveal an enraged spouse...
Later that night, after some fighting, I stumble outside into a thunderstorm. I shield my cigarette from the rain and begin hurling profanities at the sky. I dare God to strike me with lightning. Is this all He has? Can an allegedly omnipotent being not even do this? Why can't He kill me...If he even exists. I notice that my neighbor who was sitting on his screened porch has gone inside upon my dialogue with the rain. (The irony is, as I find out the next day, that two people WERE struck simultaneously during this storm and not too many miles away...Both were killed instantly.)
Saturday...Coming to. I'm down to the last inch of the half gallon, the last inch of hope. I've got to hold out, more than anything, I've just got to stop this madness. As the day progresses, the withdrawal slowly comes on. Alcohol WD can take anywhere from five to twelve hours to start, it is accentuated by being the type of drinker who drinks and doesn't eat. That has been my tendency of late, sometimes eating only a small meal a day and passing out before dinner. It starts with pulses and spasms in my legs, a weird feeling as if my legs aren't in full control. It's like small jolts of electricity travel up and down my legs and slowly migrate towards the arms...
Dizziness kicks in about the same time as the shakes. The night is fitful at best, it feels like I'm crawling out of my skin. I'm exhausted but can't sleep at all. The minutes slowly crawl off the clock as I toss and turn. I can't get comfortable. I'm so hot, but paradoxically, I'm cold too. I want to wrap up in a blanket, but I have to kick it off in a sweat-drenched pool of foulness after a few minutes. Between the fitful sweating and the minute-by-minute clock watch, I toss and turn as my body spasms and jolts. Anxiety wracks my brain. A few times I think I'm hearing things, or am I? Faint voices in the night that blur into one another...
About 4:00 AM it's time for my medicine. That last inch of hope may be my only chance of settling my nerves for a few days. It works for awhile and I'm able to relax and nearly to doze. But with the advent of dawn, back are the symptoms and my head is pounding and my stomach twisted in knots. My what a drink would do for me right now...
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