Nice to see this post. I have posted a few topics on this subject and I have lots of thoughts about this too.
I think that guys who date/love/fuck trans women get lots of mixed messages and as a result play into some not-so-great behaviors. This just reinforces to trans women that guys are not safe/can't be trusted/ will bail as soon as stuff gets complicated/ are always looking to "trade up". Not all by any means, but enough that generalizations are easy to make.
From my perspective as a trans woman, I just don't see much support or real attempt at understanding what it is we have going on in our lives and how some pretty basic stuff can be complicated.
I was lucky in that my first bf was older by 10 years and had been with a couple Tgs before. On the up side, he was able to put me in contact with some great gals who helped guide me through those first awkward years. He made enough money that I could save all my money to get surgeries and hormones and stuff.
He also screwed most every one of my friends. He insisted that I be completely "stealth" with all of his friends and family and co-workers. To the point I was pretty neurotic when in public incse I got clocked. God forbid if I coughed, cleared my throat, laughed, or sneezed - all of those were (to him) opportunities for (HIS) shame. Eventually, after 7 years, he decided he wanted to be a dad after getting someone pregnant and we broke up.
I've also had no shortage of rotten dates, broken dates, and violent dates. But I have also met some really terrific guys who seem pretty genuine. Of these guys there is a real desire to help support trans women - but none of them really have a place to talk about that. There isn't a "community" much less a term to apply. If something can't be named, does it really exist?
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