Good observations here. Now, nothing is going to be 100% true from gal to gal. I know one T-girl who loves to be called "shemale" - she says it expresses how she feels in this stage of her life. I know another who gets livid when she reads "gurl" applied to trans*women because she feels that it creates a division between us and natal women where none should exist.
If you need to make a distinction then "trans" or "TG" or T-girl" should be accepted. "Shemale" is a problem because it was created by men in porn as a "clever" way to sell their products. Ladyboy is a problem because it is a (poor) translation of a Thai word used to indicate a third gender within Thai society. I'm not Thai, so that would not be appropriate. It was also hijacked by porn and the sex tourist industry.
I'm not fond of most words applied to women whith bodies like mine. I do like trannie and transey, in much the same way that Orion pointed out with gay guys and "queen".
When it's all said and done, for me, intent is way more important that words. If some guy who is genuinely interested adresses me as a "shemale" I deal with it - and politely correct him. On the other hand, some guy looking to start something calls me a "Transsexual" - we have problems and he's getting an ass-beating. The intent again being more important than words.
But, if anyone actually intends to meet a trans*woman ad not pay for her company, then the LEAST you can do is refrain from using words you got off a porn site. A good rule of thumb to use in any situation where you are trying to make a decent impression - not just trannies.
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