Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSkronkDonkey
Language can be insensitive, but I think people should be allowed to draw a distinction without taking heat. It's just a matter of using the terms in the right contexts with respect. I do like the way you try and raise people's consciousnesses, though. Yes, the phrase carries a nasty connotation for you, but people DO need some way to delineate between someone who was born female and can theoretically give them children and someone who can't. Aside from that, all labels are inherently pernicious and wrong.
I don't have any easy advice for a person in your position. Your situation -- to put it mildly -- is utterly beyond my own limited spheres of experience. On the other hand, it sounds like you pick up some really classy people (sarcasm) and I wonder if there's any way for you to be more selective? Your quoting of Angie Zapata's murderer is an example of the kind of callous mentality I'm talking of: "I had to hit it". Who the hell says something as profoundly repugnant as that, let alone after killing someone? (I'm talking about the person responsible, not you for quoting it, by the way). If the people around you are even a tenth as bad as this, then, if I were you, I think I'd choose to remain celibate (which I currently am). I really hope this doesn't cause you personal offence, but you don't mince your words, and neither will I: Why do you talk about sleeping with this man or that man if they're all such bastards? Is sex a compulsion for you? Or do you keep wishing for the best and finding the worst? Given that I am celibate and would rather a deep, lasting relationship, I personally find it a bit galling to hear you wanting the same yet talk of sleeping with all these people who apparently dump you the moment the deed is done.
Other than that, I will repeat the opening sentence of my last paragraph: I don't have any easy advice for a person in your position. Do you have some for me? I find it difficult to connect with people in a meaningful way, which I personally find as agonising as the way you describe your own situation -- even though you clearly do face ten times the oppression and adversity that I (and many others of us) do. Bionca, I wish you all the best and I hope to hear more from you. Lastly, I again wish to say I hope I haven't offended you.  |
Well, the guys mentioned in my first post were sprinkled through the past 7 years. The thing is... I AM selective when it comes to giving up the goodies. As often as not the "real girl" crap comes out because I didn't want to do anythong other than the agreed upon date. I also want to give people chances, so there was a point when I'd just go out with whomever asked provided they knew my status. Some of those were fine affairs, some became funny stories, some were downright insulting - not different than anyone's dates. It's the level of disrespect, not showing up for dates, and assumptions about gals like me that my natal femail friends simply can't relate to, but all my trans* friends know only too well. I think part of my personal issue is I went from very trusting and willing to give everyone a "shot" to being really jaded and untrusting in a rather short amount of time.
The past two years I have barely had any sex because I'm just tired of the BS, tired of being afraid, tired of being insulted, tired of that damn awkward silence as he pulls on his pants and he can't look me in the eye, tired of compliments being followed by "but...". Right now, I have a steady very casual FWB thing. It's fine since I don't expect anything else and I haven't been led to expect anything more either. Given what I hear from other T-gals this is about as good as it's likely to get - my past 7 year (open) relationship was some sort of fluke. Is that true - I don't know... I hope not *shrug*
Advice for you... You say you find it hard to connect with people. Why? What happens? Is it shyness on your part. do you find it difficult to "read" people's reactions? Or is it external, like you are in a situation where it is hard to meet people you have stuff in common? Do you find that you seem to connect with people but they seem to soon lose interest?