[smc]

Originally Posted by raiedefesse

interesting. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm not being fully honest with myself. Not intentionally, mind you, but it's almost as if I consciously repress certain feelings. I didn't even think of this last night, but today I realized that often, when I'm with another man, I have very female-based fantasies. I almost picture in my minds eye my feminine self being made love to. In my mind, there are two things I'm focusing on. His penis, his sexuality, and my "female essence". I can almost picture what I would look like if I were female and I sexually desire this female person as much as the man I'm with. At times my desire "to fuck her" and "to be her" get conflated. When I'm getting fucked, I "see outside my body"...and what I see is the object of my desire, female, getting fucked, except "her" pussy is my anus. It isn't hard to do, as the feeling of getting fucked releases that wonderful feeling of strong passivity that makes you almost feel female. There's nothing you can do as a CIS man with a woman that gives you that transcendent feeling, at least I've never found it.

When I'm making love to a woman, I think less "outside my body". I don't focus on myself at all. I focus on my desire for her, for her body. Pretty standard CIS stuff.

I've come to believe that gender and desire rest mostly in the brain. I think my brain is mostly "standard" (whatever that means) but at times I really feel as if I'm almost switching over to a part of my brain that is a bit underdeveloped in me, but which I have and which most men do not. I have no proof of this, I guess. Just a feeling. I feel like I'm using a different part of my mind when I'm feeling female. But these feelings are so BRIEF for me. It's almost like I'm channeling something that I can't keep up. Personally, I don't have the desire to be female all the time at all. I do sometimes fantasize about what it would be like if a human being could completely switch genders constantly...switch and switch back...that is one of my fantasies. Maybe I lack commitment!

Interesting, but what does it have to do with the question posed by the thread?