[ConfusedBoyJason]

My name is Jason, i'm 19 years old from Maryland USA and i'm pretty new to this forum and to its subject matter. A little more than a half a year ago I was pretty much a completely different person from who I am now in just about every way, I'm still changing I believe but I have no idea into what, all I know is that I've been unable to fight it, though I've tried, and I'm slowly beginning to convince myself that I should leave my old self behind and give in to this new apparently inescapable reality. Who knew that something as small as a new genre in porn could lead to such a drastic change in my life.

It never occurred to me 6 months ago, when I first saw shemale porn, that I might become so strongly transfixed with the beauty and perfection of warm, pulsating, cum filled shemale cock. I could never have imagined that the pursuit of said cock would be so close to becoming my sole sexual pursuit, desire, and motivation. When I first started watching shemale porn their cocks didn't particularly interest me, I didn't like shemales with really big cocks and I was only really into guys or other shemales fucking shemales, I would always fantasize about fucking the shemales asses. After a month I began to branch out and watched a wider variety of shemale videos, I loved watching shemales suck cock and strip and masturbate, but the shemales always had to be very feminine and I still wasn't a huge fan of big cocks.

Maybe a month or so after I branched out to other niches, the strangest thing happened, I stopped enjoying videos where the man was dominant and I started really enjoying big cocks, for example I LOVED watching black shemales with huge cocks fucking dudes brains out before the out of breath men frantically tried to fit the huge throbbing black cocks in their mouths, gagging with every thrust before receiving their creamy hot load. No longer did I care most about the shemales tits, or how feminine they looked, I sought out big cocks, and became obsessed with shemales cumshots. And probably a month after starting to enjoy shemale dominant movies and big dicks I began fantasizing and getting aroused exclusively about sucking big shemale cocks, as well as getting penetrated, for the first time I realized how much I had become obsessed by cock and the idea of pleasuring one, and since then my obsession hasn't done anything but become more intense.

Its crazy how strong my desires and obsessive cravings have become in less than a year. Every day it becomes harder to fight the desire to fantasize about cock, with each new failed attempt at banishing these fantasies, I feel my desire to be straight, to be normal, and my dream of marrying a woman shrink a bit more, and my desires to devote my life to worshiping cock, to seeking out cum, and my urge to fill my ever more empty-feeling asshole with a thick, veiny, throbbing cock grow ever larger and harder to fight.

Even more recently I have noticed that the length of time that I manage to successfully convince myself that this is "just a phase" that "I'm straight" and not in fact a cock obsessed little slut has become even shorter by the day. And the "willpower and control" I so falsely claim to have in regards to my sexual fantasies now barely last 2 days before I'm right back on the internet pathetically drooling over cock and watching feminization and cock sucking hypnosis videos to try and get rid of any "willpower" I might have left so I can adore and worship cock permanently with complete and utter dedication. Today if had a choice between being able to achieve any of my lifelong goals or dreams such as serving in the U.S. Senate, falling in love, and getting married, or having my very existence reduced to a life of minimum wage and hard work in which I was given the task of pleasuring a different cock every day, I would choose the latter.

I don't think I'm a homosexual however, the male form does nothing sexually for me, in fact, except for the often stunning cocks gay porn stars have, gay porn is somewhat of a turn off. I also don't believe that I am a woman in a mans body, I've never really feel like I want to be a woman and I like my own penis, although small, I do often feel envious of them in how they get to enjoy so much cock so easily. And though my obsession with cock was focused on strictly shemale cocks, more recently as my obsession has grown I have begun to be constantly tempted by the idea of a mans cock, as there are men all around. Just yesterday I also tried wearing a pair of panties that I found in the laundry room for the first time and though putting on the red lace thong made me very aroused, the feeling of the lace against my asshole made me so hard, although I don't believe it was because I desire to be a woman, it just made me feel very, in a sense, almost slutty I guess and my desire to suck cock was amplified, which is why I think I enjoyed it.

In a sense I have no idea what I am sexually, I don't believe I'm gay, I don't believe I'm transgendered, and after dreaming last night about simultaneously jerking off two big, throbbing black cocks, while I gag on a third, and the fourth and largest fucks my ass, even I find it hard to claim that I'm straight now. All I know is that I want to worship cock more than any desire I've ever had before. And that writing this out and admitting that I can't control my urges for cock has gotten me so desperately horny, I wish I could stay like this forever...