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Old 12-23-2008
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TheSkronkDonkey TheSkronkDonkey is offline
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A couple of my real life friends -- and more than a couple of my Internet buddies -- know.

I told the first of my real life friends outright. I told him because he's open-minded. Or so I thought. I don't think he believed me.

The second one found out after I let him use my computer and he snooped through my Internet favourites.

I half expected him to look through my favourites, actually. People can be a-holes like that. Even people you call friends.

The Internet buddies that know are fine with it. Which may tell you a thing or two about the beauty of meeting people online. There is a lot more diversity in the world than what your humdrum life implies. Maybe that's why most people remain insular. They get comfortable where they are and close themselves off.

Looking back, the mate that went through my favourites both amused me and pissed me off. Initially, I was amused at his predictability. Given that, sadly, he tends to be more ignorant and close-minded in general, I felt he actually paid the price for snooping -- i.e. he discovered something he would probably rather not have known. I found out when he made a crack about "Horny She-Men" (that was one of the links) to me. But right after, I *was* pissed that he'd helped himself to private matters and then gloated about it. I gave him an open-ended choice to snoop or not snoop. He foolishly chose the latter.

Unfortunately, that's not the first time something like that has happened. Back in uni, in my first year, we lived on campus in blocks of eight. Everyone in my block was very friendly and sociable. We'd always leave our doors open for the others to wander in and chat. If we went out, we tended to be casual about still leaving our doors open or not. One night, I went out and picked up some pizzas we'd ordered from a little pizza shop down the road. It later emerged that one of my flatmates went in my room while I was gone and took a look at the stuff on my laptop. I suppose I was the fool for being so naive, given that my actions were another (this time, totally unintended) invitation to snoop. Back then, my love for shemales didn't exist. What he discovered instead was my other niche, which is feet. At the time, just female feet; today, shemale feet (a match made in heaven, but I digress). Anyway, he would make snide comments on and off after this. On a couple of occasions, he even stuck pictures up (one on my door, another on the inside of my food cupboard). I suppose it was all deeply amusing to him, but the guy -- to put it bluntly -- was a cunt.

Of course, after that incident at uni, I did password-protect my laptop *and* lock my door whenever I went out. Sadly, I think I became very jaded and cynical about people after that. In the beginning, I tried to play by the same rules as everyone else. When everyone else was being sociable, I didn't want to be the odd one out. Nor did I actually have an issue with being casual. But that was rudely taken advantage of and I learned a harsh lesson. When my mate did a similar thing under similar circumstances, the differences being that he was a) a long-term mate, b) someone who was already in my room and who I personally allowed to use my computer, I suppose I felt validated on my cynicism towards people in general. You could say I have trust issues. That's why I only tell people about my likes and dislikes quite slowly. It may be that, in light of these events, I build things up too much in my mind. So what if people know X or Y about me? What does it matter? What does it change? Probably nothing. I just don't like what jerks people can be. I'm still trying to get comfortable with who I am and revealing things on my own terms.

It was a little therapeutic typing that out. I don't know if it helps anyone in any way, but there it all is.
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The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats … The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. -- Alfred Kinsey

Last edited by TheSkronkDonkey; 12-23-2008 at 07:08 PM.
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