[hankhavelock]

My sweet Keke died two days ago. I'm devastated.

Keke was a trans*woman that I’d known for close to a year - we were part-time lovers and I was with her no more than three weeks ago. Apparently, Keke died from a liver disease (no, not HIV related and not Hepatitis), but getting precise information here is difficult. The closest Keke ever got to explaining what now appears to have been a serious disease was: “Honey, my liver no good...” As the ignorant guy I am, I never pressed her for a deeper explanation.

This is horrible.

Keke truly was the sweetest girl - a very quiet girl, and we’ve had so many good moments together - not least long weekends where we just were together and were lazy watching TV and eating McDonalds together.

One week ago I was told by a mutual friend that Keke had been taken to her home town by a friend because she was ill. I tried to call Keke, but the phone was hung up - undoubtedly because it wasn’t Keke answering but rather a family member who doesn’t speak English, I now realize.

I really want to enclose a picture of her that I took last year in my flat. She was the loveliest and mildest girl... shit, I’m crying now... finally the tears came... Keke, my sweet, sweet little ladyboy... I will never forget you, darling. You were the dearest... oh shit... oh my God...

And I’ll never forget when Keke got angry with me a couple of months ago because I as usual was too busy and not geared for meeting... then I got some angry sms’es... ”YOU ARE MR. LADYBOY... I KNOW... I HATE YOU... NOW I DELETE YOUR NUMBER...” ... the next day she sms’ed me with the words: “HONEY, WHY I NOT HEAR FROM U? U MAD AT ME?”... after which we immediately met and all back to normal... just so light-hearted and never a grudge...

I also remember, when we went to her HIV-event together. Keke had arranged an event with an out-door concert here in Jakarta to inform about HIV among trans*women. It was a great event and it was HERS! We even planned together to make a weekend for HIV infected trans*women at a resort to give them a break. But obviously I got too busy and we never got around to arranging it.

So I have decided, that I will now try to do it in Keke’s memory. I know several people in the NGO where she put her meagerly paid but so valuable time. Oh shit... my sweet little Keke is gone... never again will I get an sms: “HI HANDSUM... U READY TONIGHT, HUN...?” Never again...

May you rest in, peace, my angel! You deserve it if any! And I know God is smiling at you, darling. You were better than most of us.

H