Hi Bionica sounds like you need a hug first
I can only compare with how I related to my wife during our courting phase many years ago.
At the time I was out a lot with male friends and members of a climbing and outdoor club. It was a very macho environment, no one was married and girlfriends were talked about but rarely invited to the guys nights out. When I started to bring my 'then girlfriend' to the nights out the guys began to get a bit upset and after several weeks they asked me not to invite her.
Now I had several previous relationships with girls, one of them serious enough to get engaged. One thing I realised was that for me personally, finding a partner that liked/loved me was not enough. I needed someone to be a soul mate, someone who could share in my interests and hobbies, had their own interests that I could get involved in, but also was strongly independent. Essentially I made a shopping list
without compromise and decided that until I met that criteria, then any friendships would be purely on an open/sex free footing. It was bloody hard thing to do but worked out well.
Now, back to my nights out with my mates. I told them I understood and gave them a choice. Either they were happy for my 'best mate' to come out with them, or I would go my own way and find mates who were happy for her to be with me. Anyway they settled down and decided they could just about see her as 'one of the lads', which eventually ended up with them all just enjoying her company as an equal.
It must be very difficult for you because in reality your posts indicate for all intents and purposes you are a Female with a Penis. Going looking for a str8 Male is certainly going to be difficult. But, there will definitely be someone out there for you, it's just a matter of being really choosy. Someone who will make the same commitment I did when I met my wife to be. If they don't show that, then they are unlikely to support you in the future when the going gets tough.......and blimey, even in a standard MF partnership it gets pretty rocky even when you are both very close.
So, what does your gut instinct tell you ? When you put aside your hopes and dreams, do you look at your new partner as a rock of support, an island of calm and love, someone who can share your craziest ideas, worst habits and out of control hobbies. Someone who would turn their backs on friends and family if they needed to ??