Reading your message I can only conclude that you are already a shemale.
You need more self confidence to be yourself and some good help to realize that. Try to contact some serious transgender group. On the web you can find some that can give you good advice. Or try to meet other shemales in your region.
And don't think all the time about sex. To be a shemale is more than to have sex. It is being your self.
Good luck!
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