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Originally Posted by cannibal
Yes, it was like that in the beginning. It even was satisfying, but after some time I started noting that transsexual women tend to adopt a somewhat masculine and dominant posture when they use their penises. They think they are the male part and it bothers me. It doesn't bother you?
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I think a lot of porn is geared this way -- because porn tends to reduce things to a series of marketable (if cute/silly/deranged/dangerous) stereotypes.
I'm sure there are lots of "demure" t-girls and whatnot out there. And, for the record, I've seen my share of porn where t-girls/t-women do
not behave in that fashion.
I also found Bionca's response fascinating. Not so much about the vulnerability of the penis, which was interesting all by itself, but this part: "Where I think much of the angst you feel stems is the fact that neither men nor women are so neatly boxed. Vulnerability is a strength, and traditionally "feminine" roles require immense will and fortitude. So, while society in many ways feeds images that confirm your ideas, people confound them."
I think that defines some of my own struggles. Maybe you and I aren't so different, cannibal. Intellectually, I am a full-blown liberal. I value independence and self-determination for everyone. But sexually, a strong, independent woman is quite a strange thing for me. And it's NOT because I'm an "Alpha Male" -- at least, I don't THINK I am. But maybe it's that that's causing it underneath.
I would rather a mate be submissive and shy and need looking after. I cherish that vulnerability. That neediness. But maybe it's nothing more than a measure of how little I've matured in 25 years on this planet. Maybe I still want a child-like partner to match my child-like emotional neediness? I don't know if we're quite along the same lines, but I do feel like I know where you're coming from. Kinda. Sorta.
Re: The Shrink. I'd only see one if you think you really
need to. Remember: Mental dysfunction is subjective. A debilitating weakness for one person might be a strength for someone else. Consider this neat little story. It's slightly abstract and crude, but it says so much:
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An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.” The old woman smiled, “Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?” “That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
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Ultimately, I think it goes back to what moonwalkerman said: "Do what YOU feel you should do and that will enable you to be truly yourself. For your own life YOU are the measure of all things."
Don't punish yourself for your rare tastes and beliefs. Being an individual ROCKS! If you can handle it. Newton. Darwin. Einstein. They were guys with a few cool perspectives, weren't they? And look how much we're benefiting from them today. I know this may not come as any comfort, but society needs unusual ideas to prevent stagnation and death. Like the "cracked pot" story, it's a little wayward and off the point, but it's something to find strength in, I feel.
I'm sure you'll meet a person who matches your desires eventually. It probably will require a little fortitude and effort, though.