The idea that we are all somehow attracted to “the cock” is interesting and the way it is often asked on this forum typically implies a kind of closeted “gayness” that some of us aren’t admitting to. But I think the “gay or straight” question, and the suggestion that all transsexual admirers are really “gay” is too narrow--human sexuality is far more complex than that. It also implies that a “pre-op” transwoman--complete with her penis, is somehow less than 100% female. I consider that implication an insult to my friends and potential partners.

When I first became aware of my feelings I asked myself if I was somehow “turning gay.” I had been married for about 10 years at the time and I never had been attracted to another man. If you read my profile and other posts you’ll see I played football all through college. Been around guys my whole life--never had sex with one or been attracted to what could be called “male characteristics.” Over the last two years or so I have done a lot of reflection on whether or not there had ever been any guy I could say I had been attracted to. I actually did think of a friend from my dorm that was somewhat “feminine” in his behavior (he was from California--not “feminine” of itself but unusual at a mid-west school like Purdue, had very long blond hair, blue eyes, shaved his body and legs, wore shorts and tight t-shirts a lot, fan of the RHPS, very smart too--God I’m getting hot thinking about him… ). What I remember is that most everyone in the dorm thought he was gay. I was probably his best friend and actually saved him from being thrown in the Wabash River by a few guys in our dorm that had it in for him. When you are a 6’4” defensive lineman that can bench over 500 for reps you can stop people from doing shit like that. Nuff said…

Anyway, I have always been accepting of gays and lesbians and naturally wondered that about myself. I currently have many friends who are gay and going back to when I was in high-school I had friends who were bodybuilders who were gay. But no, I’ve never had “those” kind of feelings for another man. Not that I would think it was bad or wrong--as I’ve said, if the right *person* came along... In less than a month, I will be getting married again but will still remain active on here--probably not posting so many pics of Rakel and Kelly and Kimber though. My “bride to be” knows of my activities here and in the LGBT community and supports it totally.

I would suggest that those who still maintain the narrow (and I believe incorrect) view that we are all really “gay” get to know someone who really is trans or maybe read about some of the models and actresses we all worship on this site. An interview from years ago with Kelly Shore is one of the things that really helped me to put it all together and accept myself for who I am. The thoughtful posts of people like ila, Fran, smc, Bionca, Jodie, Hank H., and many others helped too. I think it’s entirely natural to wonder about these things--I hope we can continue to talk about them here and support each other.