Would a TS escorting rule out romance?
 

No it doesn't rule out a relationship. The big question for me would be "if this relationship develops into a commitment to each other would I want her to continue as an escort?" If we were truly commited to each other and we took the relationship all the way to marriage then of course I would not want her to continue working as an escort.

I would not be put off by the fact she was a sex worker, but if we fell in love, I would think she wouldn't want to continue if we've made a comittment to each other.

No it wouldnt bother me at all. The same rule must be applied to my future (i hope) tgirl lover as I do to my wife, ie if and when my wife gets into sex work it doesnt matter cos we have a full trusting relationship and she would have a job that she really enjoys and makes a lot of money so there is no reason why I would have a diffrent attitude to a tgirl lover of corse not.

yes yes yes

oh pleeease... wake up, melissa baby... this is a weird question! you don't get it, do you?

U must be kidding..:confused:

how am I kidding? this is a totaly legitimate question from a TS escort.

How about you wake up. Here are the questions I read on this board:

who would you like to piss on you?
Where do the older ladyboys go?
Are you giving up on real girls forever?
Do you eat your own cum?


Now those are fucked up questions. Makes me wonder how much free time these people have. Get real, get some perspective and learn some respect.

My question was a good one, it's from a bonafide escort and it's based on real-life experiences.

I agree with you Melissa. It is a good bonafide question and it deserves respect and honest answers. Some people may not agree with the question or even the OP, but that is no reason to denigrate the OP or the question.

Melissa.. yeah I think this is a valid question... and a complicated one. I would have so say that if I was the least bit lesbian, I would have no issue dating a current or former sex-worker... after all, a gal's gotta eat.

For some reason I thought (hoped) it was different for "working girls". Like the guys would be more respectful or something... not sure why.

Hi Melissa,

It's a valid question. I would leave the decision to the girl and if she wanted to continue working, I'd have no problems with it. So long as there is trust, I don't think the physical body matters much. However, I'd like her to be chosy about her clients, especially since I'd want to spend time with her!

Cham

I don't think it matters if she is an escort when you meet, as long as one is able to accept that when that relationship develops that she would consider not doing it anymore and letting me :) take care of her, but if she would want to continue the work after we were in a relationship I would have to think about staying if she wanted to keep working.

Ok none of this maters wheter its tgirl or your wife or gf. None of this bs phycholigal mumbo jumbo means anything.
Any relationship, no matter what, LOVE, TRUST, RESPECT and TOTAL HONESTY.
If u have all those nothing matters at all outside of that, ie if that means having sex as a job, or for pleasure so what?
If anyone knew real love u would understand that no questions or dilemmas need apply!

Well thats pretty elitist and offers nothing to the conversation. Fact is, being a sex worker does complicate things and that is the purpose of the poll. You guys need to stop swimmimng in fantasyland and think about the reality. You guys speak in idealistic terms and describe a near perfect universe where men respect and treat TS wonderfully but the reality is it's all talk. Ther reality is you are in your cubicle and the boss is not watching so you can mutter a few grand thoughts to the crowd in between projects.

I'm sick of the false reality I smell on this forum and I'm gonna keep it fresh and real. Most of you have not even dated a TS let alone had a relationship with one.

Ok some people need to calm down. I may have been misunderstood, but i was not talking about a stand point of tgirls I was talking about human beings. And whether it is a tgirl or a wife, or a husband, gf, bf, etc it really doesnt matter.
Because the bottom line is this, no matter who your other half is, if u have full unconditional trust and love then it doesnt matter a damn what either partner does for a living!
Maybe people should sort out their regular relationships before waxing lytical about grandious social gestures. We are all humans in a hard world, the very few lucky ones who find real love do not ever need to worry about support or love because their other half who ever they maybe will ALWAYS be there.
Life is not a game its real. Best of luck to all!

As a Tgirl who is actually trying to do something with her life, going to college and avoiding sex work, I'm appalled at the acceptance people have of this profession. Transsexual girls and women are EXTREMELY susceptible to the lure of escorting, hooking, whatever, even more so than genetic women, because other Tgirls who are supposed to be teaching them end up promoting this kind of job instead of pushing them toward a good work ethic.

You can be a tgirl and have a legal career (remember, prostitution is illegal in some areas) and earn your money legitimately. A few other tgirl friends of mine agree that when people begin to accept escorting, it does nothing to get girls out of it.

It's nice that we can look past what people do, but honestly, the chances for STDs are high, the chances of having a dangerous encounter with a client are high, and it's a risky business. It's better to encourage our fellow tgirls to try and make something of themselves instead of falling into the much stereotyped role of "tranny prostitute". It makes those of us who are trying to break through that caricature frustrated!

Ok you asked for a real reply and here is my attempt at a real reply because I still think you are missing my point. Is this a crusade as to the hard life a lot of tgirls have or is this a general debate on lovers when one works in the sex industry. Because thats all it is ie an industry, a job, and so what if she likes it, wouldnt any loved one wish for their other half to enjoy their job! Obviously getting up at 3 am is hard work etc, but who hasnt worked a few night shifts or awkward hours.
I really have to say the bottom line yet again, if true love exists between 2 people then no matter what they do or happens doesnt matter because at the end of the day the partners in whatever combination are together as one.
I truly am sorry if the people arguing against me have not experienced this feeling of total and utter trust and love, but it really is there for anyone honest, and the best time to find it is when you are not looking for it.
Sorry to anyone I may offend.

I think that was a more honest answer and thank you. My point was, because it sounds like you're not sure what I objected to, it's easy to say in idealistic terms "love conquers all". But in realisitic terms a man may not be so open-minded if he lives with and loves an escort. In theory, though I agree with you that love, respect, honesty and trust is the foiundation for any relationship.

Umm. You don't have to believe that I'm actually a TS who isn't a prostitute, but I am, and it saddens me that you are so blinded by your own delusions that you cannot see that there are actually quite a few successful Transsexual women working as doctors, lawyers, even my friend works for PR and has had plenty of success.

You're not measuring the tolerance for TS, you're measuring the acceptance of prostitution. You're doing our community a disservice by promoting escorting, because as you said before, men want to be alone with us for a half hour or so, but where is our actual worth in society? In a bed with dollar bills being flung at is? Do you measure yours in clientele? I measure mine in knowing I'm getting an education and maintaining some dignity, as well as breaking the barriers society as created for us.

PS: The old "Pretty Woman Prostitute with a Heart of Gold" fairy tale is nice in theory, but doesn't work out in reality.

Well, I think this is the heart of the whole debate. Right here, in this one reply from you, Melissa. There's obviously a very definite line separating something as being "idealistic" and it being "realistic" -- simply because it draws a line in the sand on where each of us stands personally with regards to a matter of the heart.

I believe love can conquer all. That's not necessarily a catch phrase, at least not to me. I've seen it in action, and I've seen many a couple beat the odds against them. But we also have to stop and think about something here. The whole POINT of the saying "Love conquers all" is that implies that two people will love each other SO much that they will overcome all obstacles for the betterment of BOTH. So that BOTH will now have better lives. In short, at its core, the saying implies that there is also an end result that is to be attained. And that's where your original question doesn't have a right or wrong answer -- all anyone can really toss back is an answer that works for them personally.

Look, I dated an escort once. Met her in a funny way (non-sexual and in public)...we hit it off...exchanged phone numbers...started calling and talking for hours, became instant friends and even closer....dated...and then she dropped the bomb about "what" she really did for a living on the side. I thought she had a normal day job (which she did), but she then supplemented her income with some high paying escort work.

And I really cared about her and she really seemed to care about me. It wasn't a question of did we like each other -- we did. But I think the most common thinking on this matter is that IF you fall for someone who works such a job..that is, works in the sex industry (be it an escort, porn star, cam girl, etc)...it's just inevitable that the couple is going to reach a point where you just HAVE to look each other in the eye and ask what ultimately becomes the MOST honest and soul-baring questions of all...

WHAT is most important: the money or the relationship?
WHO is more important in your life: your lover or your clients?
WHICH means more to you: spending time with your lover (where you are building a true partnership of being equals) or being with your clients (where things could now be tilted and imbalanced, and you might feel a certain level of power and control over them?)

This started with you asking a basic question: Could you date someone (in this case a TS)
who turned out to be an escort? Who engaged in that line of work to get by?

Well, in my opinion, I think the answer that most guys will give is what I call the PRETTY WOMAN response (based on the hit Richard Gere/Julia Roberts movie). Sure, most guys would love to meet a sexy woman/TS...most guys would love the thrill of an instant attraction...to fall in love and find a soul mate who is both fun, lively, and has a distinct sexual energy. We all dream about finding someone like that.

The only problem is THEN they pretty much want the same ending as in the movie. In other words, you want the compromise ending where Richard Gere accepts her for who she is...he's willing to look beyond her line of work...but at the same time, Julia Roberts realizes that to have a true, loving, one-on-one relationship she has to give up her life as a street walker. That THAT lifestyle is just not going to work if she's going to win Richard Gere's heart and BE the kind of lover that he needs. To fulfill his views on love and a committed elationship.

So, it's like I said -- the question is fair, but it just comes down to what the two people can live with as a couple. "Love conquers all" is a valid statement, but as I said before the whole POINT of the statement is that you BOTH get to a place that you BOTH want to be. And if you BOTH aren't there, then it's a crippled relationship. It's always going to be lopsided and tilted and off kilter because one partner is always going to feel that they had to give in on something very important to them.

In fact, here's something else to consider: you changed the question mid-stream. Your original question was "Could you date an escort", but like I said many people might give the PRETTY WOMAN answer and say "Sure, so long as in the end she leaves that life behind once I agree to love her and take care of her. That we'll work towards a better life TOGETHER...even if we have to struggle a bit...but the important thing is that we ARE together."

But then you changed the question and the internal dynamics. Suddenly you said: "Don't speak in concepts, which is all I see so far, really imagine it happening. The woman you love, the woman you built a life with. She's sucking off strangers. She may even be liking it."

Well, THAT'S a whole other story now, isn't it? Suddenly it's gone from two people being in love...trying to build something together...but you've just changed the ground rules. Suddenly NOW it's about one partner wanting SUCH an active sex life that she wants ADDITIONAL partners -- she wants to suck off complete strangers (as you put it) and even gets off on it. THAT certainly alters things, don't you think? After all, how am I supposed to believe that someone really loves me...wants to build a life with me...when in truth they want to turn around and say "Oh, and by the way, I want to be with these other guys TOO."

And going back to myself, that was what broke up me and my ex. In the end, she couldn't walk away from the life because she liked the feeling of power it gave her...she was intoxicated by the money she could make...she wanted the sexual liberty to sleep with other guys. And at that point, as I said, it's no longer a question of "Would you date an escort?" versus "Why should I be dating someone who isn't giving me what I really need to have a fulfilling relationship?" At that point it just comes down to each person and what they personally need to find a good fit...to feel that the relationship they're in is actually strong or that it's going somewhere.

So, I'll say it again: I think the general answer you'll get from most guys is the PRETTY WOMAN response. Sure, it's an enticing and sexually exciting and blood rushing way to perhaps START a relationship, but I think most people would want it to transition into something more stable and traditional -- that is IF you're trying to become an actual couple with long term plans to be together AS a couple.

Maybe you should look at the question again. This is what it very clearly states

A relationship means more than just dating. A relationship is a commitment of at least two people to one another.

The question wasn't changed. Melissa just explained further what an escort does.

Man I hate when T-gals snipe other gals for being escorts. I attribute my own mainstream employment as much to luck as some pretty messed up body-image issues.

Yes, there are t-gals who are business owners, professors, doctors, lawyers, models, singers, actresses, writers, truck drivers, construction workers, any profession you can name. But.. lets be clear about some reality.

Many "succesful" Trans* were successful BEFORE their transition and were lucky enough to remail within their company. Many successful Trans* are deeply in denial about being trans* to keep their employment. Merely gaining employment is an ordeal for lots and lots of us.

That said, I HATE painting sex work as a last resort - like sex workers need pity and sympathy for the cruel world. I OWN my body, the fact I have tits and and took the risk to surgically alter my face attests to that. If I CHOOSE to pay my rent by having sex with someone it's my body and I have full agency as an adult.

Tranny sex-workers don't do shit for or against social acceptance. It's the same tires arguement used by the gays "why are the leather guys and drag queen shown on TV when there are so many normal homos". Rest the blame where it belongs - society, particularly men, who can only relate to trans*women as objects and not as people.

As far as being in a relationship with an escort, as long as she is OK with you having to go on business trips, stay late at the office, have a long commute, or what ever could be related to the arguement that she isn't spending time with her fella. Being a professional escort does not preclude one for looking for a relationship built on something other than hourly rates.

Creating A Stir Again Are You?
 

MEL,

Girlfriend, you really know how to push buttons. Nothing wrong with your question, but sex sells is the saying. On this forum that seems to command the lion's share of attention to the exclusion of the biggest sex organ: the brain.

First, a man that falls in love with you will know what's between your legs, and liked it, enjoyed it.

Second, he'll be very sexually oriented: think cannot get enough.

That leaves 3 ways to go.

1. No way.
2. Yes, with the escort business being over.
3. Anything goes. Open relationship for both partners.

If you want to continue, you give up 1 of 2 possibilities.

A question for you. He is okay with your job, but he doesn't want to limit having sex with only you. He says it doesn't mean anything, just like your job. Are you okay with him having an unlimited numbers of sex partners, as long as you're special?

Good hunting,

TAL

I had to join the "Depends" crowd. Anything is possible. I try not to look at things in black and white so to speak. I fail at it regularly though. LOL

One side of me says, If we developed strong feelings for each other. I actually would prefer if she left the industry behind.

The other side of me, the kinky and submissive side. Says this could lead to a hell of a lot of fun for the both of us. Of course mutual consent between her and I would be a rule of thumb.

Sooooo......It depends.

Why do you think we're looked at as sex objects? The blame goes both ways, both for men and the escorting tgirls, so don't try to pass it off when you're the one selling yourself in the first place. How can you possibly think men could consider you as a person when you're giving them a price for sex? Come on. You want your cake and eat it, too, so if you're genuinely confused as to why men aren't really interested in getting serious with you when they find out you lie on your back grabbing cash from a nightstand for a living, you have a lot more issues to go along with your body-image ones.

Having sex with other men while in a supposed "loving" relationship isn't really giving the relationship all you could give it. To think that escorting should be looked upon with less consideration as a freckle is preposterous, and any decent man worth a damn wants a woman who not only loves him but herself as well, and she can't provide either to the full extent if she's hooking.

Just because we're all part of the transsexual community does not mean we have to embrace each other for going down paths that are self-destructive. If you're not wanting pity, why have you posted about the woes of finding a real relationship? ...It's not just coincidence.

How about you take about five steps back lady. Firstly, I'm not an escort. Seconly, I refuse to make an escort a handy "out" for a lack of social understanding. It's so convenient to lay that at an already marginalized group (sex workers, women of color, poor women) rather than take it where it needs to go.

Why can't a woman lover herself and escort? Why must a woman escort out of a lack of self-respect? Why should escorting preclude a relationship? Your statements are colored by quite a few assumptions. I have found that talking with people before you talk about them can be quite helpful.

The only differance between trans* sex-work and cis sex-work is the sex workers are all people see for trans*women. That isn't the fault of the trans*women.

Uhh... yeah it is.

(The ones who escort, for clarification.)

Bravo Bionca you hit the nail on the head. Its presumptuous and insulting to hear this tired rhetoric and don't forget its coming from a nameless faceless person. For all we know its just another guy with too much free time.
Thanks bionca

More cutting edge truth from the man behind the computer lol.


Don't you have a sermon to give?

God bionca that is so damn good its worth re stating. Why can't a woman love herself and be an escort?

This great moralist presumes that there is something wrong with escorting when it is simply just another vocation and a well paying one at that. If he would read my story as I suggested although clearly he did not he would see that

A. I was a management professional a position few TS are able to achieve and

B. I have up on the corporate world and voluntarily chose escorting as a more viable and lucrative option.

Lol. You two might want to take a few steps back yourselves and look at what you're actually saying. The absurdity behind your self-justification is astounding. You even chose to escort. Why you still ponder about your love lives is beyond me. The answer should be glaringly obvious.

For me, the fact that a TS escort is pretty likely to encounter violence -a lot more so than if she's not escorting- is a point worth considering. I wouldn't want my GF to end up in hospital.

Who said my love life was in question? That's yet another presumption on your part and shows how little you know about me or the subject. You yap without facts that should be your name in native American he who yaps without facts.

You might want to get a profile and stop yapping from behind your anonymous wall.

You could probably stand to read some basic 3rd wave feminism. Julia Serano and Camille Paglia come to mind.

I stepped back and looked at escorting years ago - by talking to women who did it. What justification is needed, and what justification are you seeing? Melissa *ghasp* CHOSE to escort - my goodness - and she even admits it. I know, she should have the common decency to hide from public view. Nothing worse than having to see someone *like that* in the day light /scarcasm off

So tell me about my love life? What do you think is so obvious?

Safety is an issue for all transwomen. Escorts are more vulnerable, but I wouldn't say "a lot" more.

re poll
 

Absolutely no problem Malissa. Your poll shows the majority understand your situation. I would even like to fly over there to meet you....and Im not joking. rgds lba

If you get infected with an STD, would you stop hooking, or would you choose to continue despite the risk of spreading what you got? If you got infected by a client, would you tell them? What about the person you're in a relationship with? What would happen to your "business"?

The irony is you find this job so empowering to yourself when really you're playing into the hands of your circumstances. You think you've gotten this amazing freedom but you're actually right where people have expected you to be, as far as being transsexual. You're being just as insulting, as if morality is old news, and I suppose a good work ethic has gone away with that as well. You took the easy way out and you're surprised when someone disagrees with it. Not all of us are going to be pinned down like that, as much you think we should "work with what we got" as it's said, because sex and fantasy fulfillment are not the only things we're capable of. Don't you see? Any man with a 9-5 may be handing you their paychecks, but at the end of the day you're just the prostitute he went to on the side, more than likely not wanting anyone to know about you. Empowering to know you're reduced to a bottom shelf paper bag? You are a bottom feeder, you had a legitimate career but you were too lazy to hold anymore ambition.

Oh, and I don't even go to church.

I wonder, smolderingtemptress, why you think that society expects transwomen can only be escorts. I expect a transwoman will be what she wants to be and go as far as her capabilities will take her. Most other people are the same in that they will be what they want to be and go as far as their capabilities will take them.

Melissa has said that she is an escort and she likes it. That is her decision and I'm sure no one told that is all she is capable and expected of doing. I'm not sure why you feel that you are being negatively impacted because of what Melissa has chosen to do. My only advice to anyone would be to get on with your own life and worry less about what others have chosen to do with their's. The career choices of others in no way impact nor reflect on you.