New and Looking
 

In the past year I have broken up with my long-term b/f of 7 years. Unfortunately, we started to date shortly after I began my transition - so I have only really seriously dated this one guy (who turned out to be total crap). I won't date a guy who doesn't know that I was born with a guy body, aside from having an awkward conversation after emotional investment, I really don't want to put my safety at risk.

I have had 5 dates the past year - 3 of them stood me up (literally waiting at a coffee shop or restaurant alone for 30-45 min) and never heard from again. One guy took me out twice, first date was great, dinner and a movie with a very sweet kiss goodnight. Second date, just as nice and followed by a night of sex. He immediately left after an awkward silence. I saw him a couple days later and said "hi", he told me he "didn't like fags".

So, I'm here looking for somethign. I'm curious about guys who are interested in gals like me. Is this what I have to look forward to? One thing also, is I have been on Hormone treatment for 5 years, and I have not had an erection for some time - from reading here, that seems like the big deal-breaker for lots of guys.

I don't get it, I'm smart, funny and I guess pretty cute (the avatar is me from last summer). I'm just confused about guys and if I can actually find a functioning relationship with *ghasp* respect.

I think you'll find a lot of respect here. And yes, a big hard cock has appeal to many, but others are not hung up on it.

best wishes

avatar
 

and yes, you are cute

You seem like a very nice person. Very genuine!

It's just a fantasy that many men have, being screwed by a t-girl, very few have lived it out on here and i doubt many of those who havent ever will.

Hope you find the right person for you though!

Thank you CuriousJim. I hope I do find someone too.

You're welcome!

Where are you from, just out of interest?

Well, I was living in Chicago until the breakup, now I'm back home in the middle of Ohio switching between my brother and a friend's houses. I'll be moving to either LA or Miami soon though depending on which job I'll be taking.

Wow, you are cute. I guess you will immediately begin to get full hearted response from all around. All crap aside, I think a serious relationship requires a strong minded guy who knows what he wants. And he doesnt give a damn about what the society will judge about him or his preference. People are basically weak and are afraid of asserting their feelings. You on the other hand have walked a long way in that direction. Hats off to you.

You look wonderful from where I'm sitting!

Sesame, thank you very much. I guess you are right, maybe I'm just expecting too much from guys.

:) thanks :) I appreciate that very much

Bionca, it is not a crime to be oneself. Sometimes strong people take up where nature has left something midway, and bring out its final form. That is a brave act.
The society is a mixture of good people, bad ones and lots and lots of morons. So sometimes people say cruel things just to look smart. Anything new gets through a lot of struggle and controversy to be finally accepted. So have courage, buck up and continue in your own way.
Also it is good to be prudent. One should not expose everything to unworthy people. Only a few people can appreciate a valuable diamond and tell it apart from a piece of glass.

Well I'm at a point of no return, so there isn't much more to do other than continue on. It just gets weird sometimes. It's like with gay people... one can draw a comparison based on romance or love.. these two guys love eachother just like a hetero couple. Everyone understands love, it's a shared human quality.

Most everyone has no conflict between their body and their identity, so saying "I always have been a girl" I suppose sounds like I'm crazy - no shared quality to compare. Usually if I explain further people start to get it, but then again, my story is not the same as every T-gal, my feelings and understanding arent shared even amongst my community. So lots of misunderstandings and strange assumptions *shrug*. My whole point being here, is because I'm really curious how you guys think and how you see women like me. Unfortunately, I think I'm just getting confused.

You are right Bionca. There are some qualities, notions and experiences that are common to most people. But then again, some experiences and qualities are just unique. Only you have them, others can hardly feel or understand them. Some feelings are so unique that they cannot be understood by others, even if you explain.
Women who are born as girls are ok. But a person who is born as a boy and becoming a girl is someone really special. Considering all the intense pain, hardship, social ridicule and mental struggle she goes through, I think she is full of strength, determination and courage. I cannot help but appreciate such a woman. Natural women are god-gifted, they didnt have to try anything, but a Tgirl is 100% self made.

I Would Like To Say That
 

Intense pain builds character, hardship prepares you for what is yet to come, social ridicule comes with the human package, mental struggle is an indicator that you have a brain and it works and that you are more determined than others.....
There is only one little problem,,,, only very few can survive the above and learn from it.

Natural women are god-gifted, they didnt have to try anything, but a Tgirl is 100% self made.[/QUOTE]



Well.... I did have some help from a really good plastc surgeon.. so maybe 98% self-made :innocent::lol:

Question ?
 

You've expressed yourself in regard of who you are and who you want to be, and I am sure that you are all that you say you are, BUT, HAVE U ASKED YOURSELF WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A GUY ??

: )
 

98 % is still great :D

By The Way !!!
 

You Do Look Cute.

I've thought about that quite a bit actually. I'm looking, obviously, for a guy who shares common interests and world-view. That's pretty basic and essential in any relationship, and where it should start.

Where it gets more difficult, I guess, is a guy who is willing to see past anatomy and try to get to know ME. I'm a silly, geeky, girl who can quote Monty Python, discuss politics, talk for hours on a wide variety of topics, rock house in most video games, and has a soft spot for kids and animals. A guy who can appreciate those qualities and be a companion in them.. mmm.

On the shallow end, I do take good care of myself. Estrogen tends to make gals chunky at the levels I started taking, so I'm in pretty good shape, and my guy should be to. There would have to be a physical attraction, tho I hardly have a "type". I'm also not really pressed either way about age.

I think the biggest issue facing guys who like T-gals is we know men... from the inside out.. we were with you in the gym in Hish School, we were your "buddies", we served with you in the military, etc. Even if I don't "get" how you all think, I know how you think. I can smell BS from 50 paces.

I don't have a set criteria for qualities I'm look for in a partner aside from humor (making me laugh is very sexy), ability to stimulate me mentally as well as physically, and a willingness to understand that I'm going to have some issues that most women never have.

Well !!
 

That's exactly how you should be thinking, simply ask yourself about what you want and why do you exactly want it, and when your mind is set on sth, thats when you start asking other people about what THEY want....
And with all due and proper respect, if someone doesn't like you for being who you are and for being honest and truthful to yourself Then they can go Fu** Themselves.

Too bad you're in the USA :))))

I suppose I should add, the ideal guy really must be comfortable with me being open about my status. I'm going to be working with GLBT runaways, and while I have no intention of ever being some Trans spokesmodel, I'll have to show by example that a person can live a fulfilling productive life without shame.

I think you should settle for no less than pure love. You deserve no less.
Here's a meta-phor. A gift with strings, Is no gift at all.

That's the plan, and I thought I had it....

One of the reasons I joined here is to get a better understanding of the mind set of the guys who are asking me out. What are their expectations? I'll be honest, I never have really watched "shemale porn" until now... I like porn, but it's been hetero mainstream stuff (with some gay porn because really the guys in gay porn are WAY hotter). So, seeing this and reading the comments has been helpful (a little discouraging, but helpful). :respect:

Keep up the search. It'll happen when it happens. Thats the only way things ever do work out. And a little more focus on your expectations are needed.

To Bionca:
Helpful I understand. But why are you discouraged? Please dont be.

To Sml-seeker:
Well said indeed. That is an epical statement worthy of praise.

I guess like most women, I'm more aware of what I don't want than what I do want. My only realy carved in stone expectations are respect, understanding, and honesty. Ideally one would play around with the particulars of personality during the dating part.

One thing that does kinda irritate me about other transwomen looking for a relationship is that they want to be treated like "a lady" (doors held open, stuff like that). Personally, I'd rather be treated like a person you want to impress (on the first few dates). Not like someone you are obligated to take out for drinks just so you can get in her panties.

My attitude is you drop it, you pick it up. LOL:lol:

Good policy!

As an aside, picking things up in a skirt is one of those things you don't think about until you have to do it. Growing up I'd bend at the waist, slight bend at the knee. In even a mid length skirt you need to fully bend at the knee unless you want to give a free panty show to your neighbors. Ahh the lessons learned.

I'm sure some people enjoyed what they got to see.:lol:

Hmm.. probably :innocent:

Just trying to imagine, these down to earth admissions!
Ummm, "seeing is believing" or "To see or not to see, that is the question"
Will Shakes.

Well, Good Luck to you Bionca, too bad you are in the US :-)

Cham

Your eyes rarely ever show you the truth anyhow. To not see is to believe, for if one is left blind one has to find another way to believe. So i say i wish society would just climatize.

Comments on the site in general, rather than on this thread specifically. Discouraging, because guys are both more and less honest with eachother about sex. They will be more willing to discuss what they like/want and more likely to exagerate what they have done or would do.

So, it's a little strange being a woman reading what is in essence "locker room talk". I just need to switch my frame of referance, and not try to compare myself to a fantasy.

What you actually see is first hand proof of anything. Then the fact is strongly set in your mind as Truth. Nobody can uproot your belief from its foundation.
But if you dont see anything but still believe, that is a weak notion just waiting to be jolted. So they say, "seeing is believing."

:lol: You really are a funny girl. Have you ever considered writing a book? I can vouch that it will definitely sell.;)

Everything is a dream or fantasy until you try it. Some guys just dream all through life and only a few realize it.

Reality the bitch
 

One thing I dont like is how easily people give up their dreams and compromise with "harsh reality". I think one should never give up and continue to fight lifelong if need be. And ultimately bend the bitch called reality and make it concur with our dreams.
Ahmm... forgive my being so poetic. But I'm sure you get the idea.:yes:

Well, I've been on the other end of fantasy fulfillment, that is I was the one who was supposed to fulfill the fantasy. Unfortunately, nobody can measure up to someone's fantasy. Porn is the perfect example. On planet porno every woman is sexually available, willing to bang you and your wife, you can be a shabby-looking Ron Jeremy and get all the chicks you want, every plumber gets his dick sucked while fixing a sink. But, everyone knows that's not really gunna happen. Why? Because everyone knows genetic women and knows what to expect.

Fewer people have the balance between shemale fantasy and transwoman reality. Shemale porn is just as unrealistic, in some cases laughably so. The counter for most isn't there because they don't know if they know trans women. Or the Transwomen they do know don't pass very well.

So, I don't have issue with fantasy or porn. I'm just happier when I'm not expected to act like I'm in one.

I wish i had the chance to meet you a few years ago. You seem quite lovely from where i stand. I'm sure there are many like me willing to give their heart for you.

Indeed!
Only in ones imagination, not in the real world, wise girl!
:lol: Yeah I always thought of that. The guy is all hairy and looks like he has a keg hidden in his belly!
Please elaborate.
On 2nd thoughts, I say there is a serious need for mass awareness.
The Ts subject is still hush-hush, even though the society boasts to be "modern" and "scientific".

That may have come off more hostile than I intended.

Oooooh! :heart:

I say chaps, I can hear someones heart throbbing from a thousand miles away.:rolleyes:
Brave statement though!

Well I would have to say I only have time for sincere and honest people in my life and all i meant was i not in the life im in now, a life with her could be nice.

with the obvious perks.:turnon::lol:
really tho genuine is best. And, that she is.

Yeah, I agree with some of your points. Bionca is indeed a strong, honest and beautiful person (from inside out) with a great sense of humour. {That is what I gather from reading her posts.} She is a frank upfront girl.
Yippie:p Bionca, we're praising ya!

Yes i agree praise thee:yes::hug::yes:

Please elaborate.
On 2nd thoughts, I say there is a serious need for mass awareness.
The Ts subject is still hush-hush, even though the society boasts to be "modern" and "scientific".[/QUOTE]

Well, the goal for your average Transgendered woman is to pass undetected daily as a genetic woman. In short, those who can "pass" do - it's called "deep stealth" or "Woodworked". It about safety and simply maintaing a "normal" life.

I'm currently living in a large city the middle of Ohio and if every Transwoman and man that I know suddenly revealed their status the city would turn on it's ear. That's not counting the Part-Time Cross Dresser and kinky Transvestites either.

The issue is really one of awareness and is related to the gay movement. In the 70's all you saw about gay men and lesbians were images of people who were steriotypical "flaming queens" or "butch" gals. They were shown as murders or victems who in some waydiserved to be punished. With Transwomen, until recently, we were shown as being hookers, or predatory decevers who try to trick men into sleeping with us (a common porn fantasy too). Either that or we are the pathetic helpless victem. Obviously there are some exceptions. It's a steep uphill battle when our shared community is most commonly shown on the Jerry Springer Show (A particularly scandalous "talk" show in the US).

Even with science showing more and more that gender identity is not created by the formation of genetalia, people still view this as a choice or a mental problem at best, a sexual kink as worst. We need the scientific community to get off it's collective bottoms, for Transwomen to feel safe enough to be honest, and for the men and women who date us to be secure and safe enough to challenge society.

/rant off