Vanillas
04-09-2009, 04:54 AM
I recently read a semi-scholarly work on the psychology of sexual arousal. The main thesis was that, in order to achieve sexual excitement, we need to create requisite conditions of safety. Specifically, we need to feel protected from unconscious fears that would otherwise prevent us from becoming aroused. These fears are of course many and varied and are often highly idiosyncratic.
Let me use myself as an example. Through the processes of analysis and self-examination I have learned that my most sexually inhibiting fear is that I could seriously hurt or, God forbid, kill a woman in the act of sex. Never mind that this fear is as primitive and infantile as it is neurotic. It is powerful and has resulted in a discernable if not predictable - and equally powerful - pattern of sexual preferences.
For many years I was highly attracted to older women, or MILFS as they are now affectionately called. I have been married twice, each time to a woman several years older than I. I found in them a source of strength and security as well as sexual excitement. Later, I developed a strong attraction to younger, but decidedly "buff" women. My fantasy ideal became a twenty or thirty-something hardbody. She was feminine but was also possessed of a masculine toughness (I watched a lot of Jodie Foster movies during this period). Finally, I discovered transgendered women, thus taking it to a higher level. My ideal was now a hardbody with a penis (read WEAPON). I should stress that with each of these fantasies the word "preference" could more accurately read "need." For these were not just preferred forms of arousal but were, at the time, my ONLY ones. And thus in each case was my unconscious fear of doing harm allayed by imagining a woman too experienced, or too tough, or too tough and armed, to enable me to hurt her.
A final point and a question: The author stressed the fact that, unlike some "neurotic" behaviors, self knowledge of previously unconscious sexual fears does not usually eliminate the compensatory sexual fantasy. Thus, my knowing the WHY behind it does not temper my need to imagine myself in bed with a cute and girly but buff and defended (by a fully erect six inch sword) TG in order to become and stay sexually aroused.
And my question is simply this: Can any of you other fellas (or gals) identify with this? Or am I really as weird as my friends (both of them) say I am.
.
Let me use myself as an example. Through the processes of analysis and self-examination I have learned that my most sexually inhibiting fear is that I could seriously hurt or, God forbid, kill a woman in the act of sex. Never mind that this fear is as primitive and infantile as it is neurotic. It is powerful and has resulted in a discernable if not predictable - and equally powerful - pattern of sexual preferences.
For many years I was highly attracted to older women, or MILFS as they are now affectionately called. I have been married twice, each time to a woman several years older than I. I found in them a source of strength and security as well as sexual excitement. Later, I developed a strong attraction to younger, but decidedly "buff" women. My fantasy ideal became a twenty or thirty-something hardbody. She was feminine but was also possessed of a masculine toughness (I watched a lot of Jodie Foster movies during this period). Finally, I discovered transgendered women, thus taking it to a higher level. My ideal was now a hardbody with a penis (read WEAPON). I should stress that with each of these fantasies the word "preference" could more accurately read "need." For these were not just preferred forms of arousal but were, at the time, my ONLY ones. And thus in each case was my unconscious fear of doing harm allayed by imagining a woman too experienced, or too tough, or too tough and armed, to enable me to hurt her.
A final point and a question: The author stressed the fact that, unlike some "neurotic" behaviors, self knowledge of previously unconscious sexual fears does not usually eliminate the compensatory sexual fantasy. Thus, my knowing the WHY behind it does not temper my need to imagine myself in bed with a cute and girly but buff and defended (by a fully erect six inch sword) TG in order to become and stay sexually aroused.
And my question is simply this: Can any of you other fellas (or gals) identify with this? Or am I really as weird as my friends (both of them) say I am.
.